


Heartstrings

by DeepDisiresLonging



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Alternate Universe - War, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2020-12-22 21:04:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21083087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeepDisiresLonging/pseuds/DeepDisiresLonging
Summary: From her blue-tipped hair to her Victorian-laced boots that match everything, Ana is nobody but herself. Of Italian-Persian decent, Ana has grown up with few friends, choosing quality over quantity. One who keeps popping up in her circle is Elias Samson. They failed to become true high school sweethearts, but that doesn’t rift between them. Not until they start to realize who they really want is each other. And it’s who they think they can’t have. To complicate matters, her friend’s circle has conflicting goals, crude rumors spring up in her steps, and war threatens from the other side of the country. Life is never simple. But guitar strings always come back to center no matter the strength of the strumming. Can she find her center in the one who claims to know her heart the best, and keep him too?





	1. I Had Me a Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana has an afternoon out with her unique collection of friends. It’s all fun and fancy-free… until a certain question is asked of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of the Week (included in the fic): I Had Me a Girl by The Civil Wars

Tapping her pencil in time, Ana mentally lined up the words on her page to the tune. If she wasn’t careful, the guitar strumming would lull her to sleep. Again. She took a deep breath. The rush of oxygen pushed away the threat of sleep. But her nodding had been noticed.

The strumming stopped.

“If my playing is so terrible and boring, Miss Anahita, then maybe we should reconsider this partnership.”

“Mr. Samson, that is not the case at all.”

Elias hated being referred to by his last name almost as much as she hated hearing her full first name. Too formal. Had been since ninth grade. And he always reacted the same way. The signature blue and gold guitar pick clicked as he caught it between his teeth. Ana stifled a giggle. Beside her came another groan.

“Get a room already.” Ember rolled over in the grass and dropped her communications textbook on her face. Her flame-colored braids spread out like sunbeams. The book muffled her miffed voice. “At least when you were playing, I could concentrate.”

“Is that what you were doing?” Ana laid beside her, spreading out her own dark hair. Though it was tipped in bright royal blue and provided her a short halo. She peeked under the book. “I thought you were grumbling about your homework.” She ignored the whispered warning. “Or were you grumbling about that professor again? Tell me… was it his assignment that flustered you, or that he wore _that_ green shirt you like so much?” She squealed as Ember flipped them over.

They began to roll across the campus commons, giggling and laughing and ignoring any curses sent their way. An unmovable duo of sneakers caught them. The obstruction gave them time to catch their breath.

“Anahita Lupo! And Ember Moon! What are you hooligans doing?” Above them stood the school’s soccer captain, Seth Rollins. He stared down at them with a smile. His hands twitched as if to join them in the tumble.

His second-in-command and best goalie, Buddy Murphy, sniggered at his side and took up the game. “Oooh, full name. I would have called out her middle name like a good campus mom.”

“Don’t-“

Rollins picked up. “Her middle name? But I don’t know it.”

“I’m warning you two-“

“Why it’s Carmen. Musical, troublesome, and so fitting. Don’t you think?”

Ana lightly kicked him in the shin. “I am not an opera. My name is Ana and nobody seems to have a problem using it but you, Mr. Murphy. It’s amazing how quickly you forget it.”

In a slow show of pax, Seth held out his hand. “One too many hits to the head. Being goalie has its disadvantages.”

While Buddy blustered through his rebuttal, the guys helped the friends to their feet. The tumble hadn’t taken them far. But by the time they got back, the final member of their odd party had arrived. Becky Lynch’s bookbag was haphazardly ripped open, and her sticker-covered laptop was spread across her and Elias’s laps. She shared engineering classes with Seth. Not surprisingly due to the size of the major, neither knew the other existed until The Project. It was precisely what she was explaining to Elias while blissfully unaware of his glazed expression.

“Save me,” he mouthed to the oncoming group.

“Come on Bex,” Ember drawled, “you’re supposed to wait for us.”

Ana snorted. “Impatient spitfire.”

“I heard that!”

All three women were flatmates. Before the ladies met the guys, Becky had sketched out the plans for a new military airplane. In her sleep. The next morning, her best friends noted necessities that she missed, and they sat in the back of the classroom when she presented it a few weeks later. Ember used her major to make sure she hit key selling points. And Ana used her business writing to help it flow lyrically. They were there for her when the professor turned it into a joke.

But Rollins was impressed. He brought his roommate and teammate to suggest some points. Buddy’s dad had the military connections. Elias was the entertainment during long hours. So the group was born.

Becky continued to explain her changes at a million miles an hour. The only thing that stopped her was Seth tossing his cap in her face. “Breathe, Bex.” He flopped down on the grass. “And take a few minutes to feel the day. We just got out of class!”

“Would you like to hear what the rest of us have been working on?” Elias eagerly suggested. All those figures and computations made his head spin.

It’s not hard to imagine the surprise when the high school dynamic duo reunited. Ana and Elias met in theater. They co-wrote their senior musical then split when college loomed. Elias continued to pursue music. Ana began to explore her writing skills. It consumed her. Blinded her. She hadn’t realized Elias was going to the same college until Becky and Seth introduced him. They picked up where left off in seconds, broken strings and messy notebooks included.

Most of the group wanted to hear the new song. But Ana was hesitant. “The timing’s still not right-“ She was outvoted immediately. With a knowing grin, Elias began to play. Ana settled next to him and held up the lyrics for this week’s project. If today went okay, she might be okay with singing it in class a few hours later instead of simply submitting the sheet. 

“[I had me a girl](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2FH1qY8EB4JlQ&t=MzM4MjY0OTMxNmVkMWQ3YmFlMDdmYjRlNDYzZjUwZDg3YjdmYjg4NSxGV1Y2OVRrWg%3D%3D&b=t%3AQOrDoNG2pCT1YkkXMRMmCw&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdeepdisireslonging.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F188427322788%2Fheartstrings-chapter-1&m=1), taught me those things a young man should know. Down, down on my knees, I’d beg and I’d plead to learn a little bit more.” He grinned as Ana pointed out the notes when he got lost. “Ah, that woman taught me to pray. I saw Heaven every day. And oh, she could ooh-” The chorus was made up of oohs that dipped and soared. He sang a little quieter so he could hear Ana’s perfect tune. Had she been asked, she wouldn’t have considered it perfect.

When her lines hit, she forgot everything about her perfectionism. “I had me a boy,” she sang. “Who buttoned me down. He threw me a line.” While her voice jumped, she closed her eyes and let the music take her. “He- he washed me as clean as a sinner could be. Showed me the light. Oh that boy, he taught me to pray. But for all of his spit-shinin’ ways, he could ooh-“

She should have kept her eyes open. The audience was enraptured in many ways, on many subjects. Everybody was looking at somebody. Ember sat with her knees to her chest, eyes aglow as she watched Elias’s dance across the strings. Not so bold, Becky glanced quickly at Seth, secretly hoping to catch his gaze. His wasn’t centered on the group. Seth was winking at the squad of football player’s cheerleaders. Buddy completed the circle. He was sat as close to Ana as possible without touching. It wasn’t often that he dared to touch. But his looking kept getting distracted by the cross-gaze aimed at Ana. Elias was watching her sing too. Like he always did. 

When the refrain hit, her eyes snapped open and the group looked away. She was none the wiser. Elias glanced back down at the sheet music. “I had me a girl liked cigarette smoke. She came and she went.” 

“I slipped through his hands to my back-door man,” Ana winked playfully at Seth, “under his chin.” The duet finished strong. Stronger than in practice. The audience and a few other students gave them joyous applause.

“If your professor doesn’t give you an A, she doesn’t have a heart.” Self-conscience of his position, Buddy scooted away a few inches.

“It’s a poetry class, not performative art. But thanks.” Ana breathed a sigh of relief. High school stage fright had been enough. Friend stage fright was so much worse. She cleared her throat. “Was that enough of a respite, Rollins?”

He groaned and dragged his hand down his face. “Encore?”

“Nope.”

“You are the worst, Lupo.”

The rest of the group laughed. They split into two groups. Ember and Ana grouped around Becky’s laptop to get caught up. Seth convinced the other guys to sit a little ways off so he could enjoy the day in peace.

The time passed quickly for a while. Until Becky finally ran out of steam. Then she was the master of turning on a dime.

“So… remind us why you and Elias aren’t dating.”

Ana choked on her water and Ember scratched her pen across her paper. “What?” “Who?”

Rolling her eyes, the redhead typed softly. “You guys have known the in and outs of each other since high school. What did he do? It must be something big since you ignore him unless you’re working on a project together or you’re in need of musical talent. What’s up?”

Ember bit her bottom lip.

That wasn’t an easy question. Nor did it have an easy answer. Ana resisted glancing at the other half of their group. “I don’t know, really. Maybe it’s because we know each other too much?” She worried the end of her pen between her teeth. “Why aren’t you dating Seth?”

“I’m not the focus here. Answer the question.”

“I did!” Ana sighed. “We didn’t really try because once senior year rolled around, we saw each other almost twenty-four seven. There wasn’t time for more than creative companionship. As for now… it wouldn’t work. I’m busy, don’t know where I’ll end up. And besides, he’s too into his music right now. Push too hard and we’d kill each other.”

There was an opening.

“What about Buddy?”

“What about him?”

Ember closed her notebook and leaned in. Her girlfriends mirrored. “He’s interested in you. Couldn’t keep his eyes off you during the song. Come to think of it, he’s usually watching you.”

Slowly, nonchalant or trying to be, the women turned to look at the guys. All of the guys were looking at them. They all fell into laughter and went back to focusing on their groups.

Ana forgot the suggestion and missed how Buddy’s gaze lingered on her. He cleared his throat before turning back to the game on his phone. His fidgeting fingers lost the level quickly.

“Can I ask a theoretical question?”

“You going into theoretical physics now, Mr. Undeclared?”

“No.”

Elias chuckled. “’Course not. He wants to know what we’re thinking. Must be psychology.”

Buddy made a face. “Har-har. No. It’s about Ana. We’re friends, right?”

The guitar stuttered. “I think you’d have to ask Ana-“

“That’s not-“ He grunted. “Fine. Us guys. We’re friends. If you had any intention of dating her, you’d have done it by now, right?”

Seth started to eat chips, making sure to crunch softly.

Elias focused on correcting his fingers for a few chords. “Yeah. What’s it to you?”

“Because you have a history-“

“Not that much history.”

“Then I’m clear to shoot my shot? No hard feelings?”

Another chord. “Nope.”

“Alrighty then.” He stood. The other two men jolted, not expecting it to happen right this second. “Hey, Carmen- Ana.”

She finished up a line before replying. “Hmm?” Becky elbowed her side so she’d give him her full attention. “Oh. Um. What’s up?”

Suddenly he wasn’t sure. She was looking at him like any other time. _It’s because she doesn’t know. **Yet.** Go!_ “Um, can I talk to you for a minute?” When she opened her arms for him to continue, he rolled his eyes and smiled. “Over here, please.”

While he walked Ana away from the group, Becky and Ember couldn’t help but giggle. He ignored them. But he couldn’t help but rub his hand over the back of his head. “Oh my god, he’s nervous,” Becky squealed in a whisper. In the other half, Seth continued to eat chips. Elias made notes to his music sheet.

“So,” Ana stated.

“Yeah. Um.”

Biting her lip, Ana did her best to keep a neutral face. Not laughing at Buddy’s nervousness. Or thinking about Ember’s comment.

Buddy cleared his throat as if it would clear his jitters. “So. Ana. Um. We… we don’t hang out a lot.” Yes. That’s it. Run with that. “I mean, sure, we see each other when we’re out with everybody. But I feel like I don’t know you as well as the others. We should get coffee sometime. Or not coffee…” He exhaled remembering. “Since you don’t like it. How do you, an American college student in this day and age, survive without coffee? It’s incredible.”

“Self-caffination.” Ana ducked her head, playing along. “So you think I’m incredible?” She looked up at him from under her eyelashes. He wasn’t terrible looking. Wouldn’t be her worst offer.

The poor man was breathless. Then the second he opened his mouth to agree, his pocket vibrated. And kept vibrating. The name on the screen summoned a groan. Buddy was apologetic. “Just a second. It’s my dad.” Turning away with a grimace, he answered with a harsh whisper. “What do you want? Sir.”

“I want you to drive over to DC this weekend.”

“What? Why?”

“The California accords are being voted on. Protestors are everywhere and I could use my best man to direct-“

“You want me there because I’m the only one who will listen to you. Or at least the only one with everything to lose if I disobey orders.”

“That’s not true,” his father’s voice boomed. “Besides, what else do you have to do? It’s not like you study.”

Buddy glanced back at Ana, appreciating how patient she was being. “I’m… I’m trying to ask out a girl. A friend.”

That made Mr. Murphy more excited than getting weekend help. “Really? Which one? Is it the communications student? She could be a great addition to the regiment. We could use a public relations-“

“No. It’s…” he sighed and again glanced at Ana’s smiling face. “It’s the poet.”

“Oh.” He blustered and stamped down words his son could already hear in his head. “Well. Then get to it. But I need you here by oh-sixteen-hundred hours on Friday.”

“I’ll miss class!”

“And if California rejects the accords and secedes, citizens on both sides will be in danger.”

“We’re Australian.”

“We’re Americans now!” Mr. Murphy dropped his voice, and his temper. “I could really use your help, son.”

It was a done deal. It had been since the phone rang. Ana watched him carefully as he ended the call. There was a weight on his shoulders. If his father had anything to do with it, military rank patches would weigh them down further. The darkness already under his eyes suggested he could go his whole life without wanting to wear a medal, no matter how gold or esteemed.

He tossed her a smile. “Well, I had planned to take you out tomorrow night. That way we’d have plenty of time to plan. Turns out I don’t have a weekend. Um, is tonight too soon?”

Ana looked back at her best friends. They were supposed to have a study session, though she knew they’d let her out of it. But Buddy hated last-minute plans. He might be too tired later… “What about Monday? Gives us time to plan. Time for you to rest up. And give you a reason to come back safely.” Was she doing this? Guess so.

He nodded eagerly. “Yeah. Monday sounds great. I will do my best to come back in one piece.”

They split apart to their groups within the group. Ana sat down, cheeks warm and eyes sparkling. It had been a while since she had been excited about a date. They didn’t usually end so well, but this felt different. Maybe now was a good time to move on. Buddy flopped down, exhausted, between Elias and Seth. He couldn’t stop smiling at the sky. Still-

“How much treason is it to kill a general again?”

Seth chuckled. “Twenty-five to life. Possibly in Gitmo. Though your dad would probably include in his will that you’d take his place upon his death. The perfect revenge.”

Buddy sat straight up. “Don’t even put that out there.”

Next to them, the women giggled and gathered their things. The rest of the day was ahead.

The Aussie-American side-eyed the soccer captain as he watched their red-haired friend intently. “You should shoot your shot. Today seems to be a good day for it.”

Seth absently fixed his cap. “Maybe I will. And maybe, Elias, you should ask out Ember. Make it a full set.”

The last man packed away his instrument. “Nah. I don’t think I will. She’s nice and all, but not really my style.”

Seth bit back a comment of preferring blue hair to red and yellow braids. But today wasn’t the day for that.

Today was a day to move forward in a new direction.


	2. Conflicting Ideas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana and Buddy go on their date. Becky and Seth have a study session, and Elias shares a song he’s been working on with Ember. Only one of the situations ends in a promising way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings/Promises: awkward date, fluff, friendzone angst, attempted coercion, Buddy grabs Ana for a split second, attempted gaslighting
> 
> Song of the Week: Symphony by Josh Groban

Ana tucked her hair behind her ear as Buddy pushed in her chair. They were in one of the more expensive restaurants in town. All through planning, she expressed her contentedness of going somewhere around campus. Somewhere cheaper. But Buddy had insisted. For “following orders like a good son” (his words), he’d been rewarded with money to burn. Jeff Ruby’s it was.

She felt out of place. Being downtown, it wasn’t a huge space. But the interior was lavish. Intricate wood paneling on the walls and floors. Waiters in white suit jackets. Art from the forties decorated the walls, and above the windows sat a row of classic Hollywood actors and actresses’ photographs. What Ana considered the most stunning, especially in the low lighting, was the collection of crystalline chandeliers. Their table was directly under one.

Though Ana was sure he didn’t want to discuss it, she had to ask. “How did DC go?” She couldn’t help but notice his black eye. And a bruise on his wrist.

“Not too bad, all things considered.”

All things considered indeed. California had reluctantly signed the accords. Not everyone was happy about it. California’s governor had renounced congress’s decision. And several surrounding states were siding with him.

“If I had thought about it more,” Ana said, sipping her water, “I would have suggested dating tomorrow night. I forgot your drive was over eight hours.” She startled as a waiter appeared from nowhere and refilled her glass the missing two sips.

He shared a smile, watching the waiter disappear like a ghost. “Coming back wasn’t hard. I stopped off at my Mom’s in West Virginia. Only had five hours of driving today. And Elias sat in class for me today.”

“That’s good.”

It took several minutes to order. They agreed to share most of it since all reviews said the place served huge portions.

They kept their conversation light. Despite having known each other for a while, both of them were nervous. Ana appreciated that he kept asking questions about her life outside of their group. On the other hand, what continued to set her teeth on edge was how Buddy took advantage of her short, polite answers and shifted the conversation to himself. His interests. His life. And his opinions on matters, never asking for her input.

By the time the end of the meal rolled around, Ana was ready to go home. Their waiter dropped by again, asking about dessert.

Buddy leaned in. “Dessert here… or out for ice cream?”

She breathed a sigh of relief. “Ice cream.”

“Great. I’ve got some at my place.”

Ana struggled to maintain her smile.

After the waiter left, Buddy noted her strain. “If that’s okay. If not, there’s Graeter’s by campus.”

She observed him softly. He was still nervous. Maybe in his own space, he could relax. And maybe she could too.

“No, your place is fine. What flavors do you have?”

***

“Who the hell assigns a test on Tuesday?” Seth dropped his head onto the tower of books and notebook paper.

Becky chuckled. “Keyword being ‘hell.’ Professor Kane did warn us at the beginnin’ of the semester that this wasn’t goin’ ta be an easy class. For the record, I’d rather have a Tuesday exam than a Monday one.”

“Fine. Agreed.”

They moved on from that section into one that they were both good at. Even then, when Set came back with break coffee, Becky’s head was taking a turn to rest on the library table. Gently, he put the cups down. Then he gently shook her shoulders.

“Come on Bex. One more section. And we actually understand this one.”

She glanced up at him with one cracked eye. “Then what?”

“Then I walk you home so I can crash on your couch.”

“Why my couch?”

“Because I don’t want to walk back to my place!”

“You live two floors above us!”

“The elevator is out again. Besides, Elias is composing something. I wouldn’t get any sleep anyway.”

Becky laughed. “You’re a whiny baby sometimes.”

_I want to be your winey baby,_ Seth thought while he laughed too. He’d been thinking about it all weekend. About her. He’d lost count of the number of times his coach reminded him to think about practice. No time like the present. “How do you think Ana and Buddy’s date is going? It’s tonight, right?”

“Mhmm. He told her to dress up for some fancy-schmancy place downtown.”

“Oh. Fancy.” Seth couldn’t focus on the figures until he got this off his chest. “Punch me if this is a terrible idea, but would you ever consider dating someone in our group?”

She worried her bottom lip. “Me and w’at time? I barely see my roommates and I live with ‘em.” She looked away. “I’m not sure how much I could promise. Who did you have in mind?”

“Well, Buddy is spoken for… for tonight anyways. And Elias doesn’t see anyone or anything unless it’s a sheet of music. So… how about me?” He tried to smile, the stopped, picturing how goofy he looked.

“You?”

“Me.” He gulped. “I don’t have the budget to take you downtown or anything, but our schedules usually line up. If you want to.”

Becky reached across the table for the coffee cups. She tapped their lids together before taking a sip.

“Tonight doesn’t count.”

“What if I want it ta count?” The tops of her cheeks turned pink. “A coffee date is a good way to start.” She grabbed the answer sheet they’d made. “Besides, the couple that studies together, passes or fails together.”

Seth groaned. “Don’t jinx us. We need all the luck we can get.”

“I’m Irish, love. We invented luck.”

***

With Ana on a date and Bex stuck in the library until who knows when, Ember was looking forward to a quiet night in. She’d already Netflixed herself out, and was about to go to sleep when her phone rang.

“Elias?”

“Ember! Do you have a minute?”

She sighed with a smile. “Sure. Wha’cha need?”

“I need you to listen to something.”

Already she was out of the bed and setting up her computer. “Call me over Skype and I will.” After walking him through how to do that, she settled into the couch pillows. Listening to “something” could take anywhere from five minutes or forty-five. Depending on how much he worked on the spot. The second he started playing, she knew this was different. It was entrancing, even when she lost the first few words to bad internet.

“[It’s late at night](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2F57wbnmuvmWU&t=MWJjNjFiMmQ2OWEwOTA4YWQ3NDY3NWIxYWJjY2Y0MTVhYWU3NmI1OSxPbHhiWllqaw%3D%3D&b=t%3AQOrDoNG2pCT1YkkXMRMmCw&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdeepdisireslonging.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F188583375397%2Fheartstrings-chapter-2&m=1), afraid that I might let you down. I’m staring at an empty page, trying to write the things I didn’t say to you. And we moved so fast, the words get lost, but I hope that you know-“

As he drifted into the chorus, Ember got lost in the serene way he focused on the music.

“-that you deserve a symphony. Soaring strings and tympani. But all I have’s this melody written from my heart. It’s a simple song and the words don’t rhyme. No poetry between the lines. Our symphony will come in time, but all I need to know tonight is that you’re still mine.”

The second verse made Ember’s stomach flip. For the first time in a jam session, Elias made eye contact with her during the song. And it burned pleasant in her gut.

“Another sun, another moon. Can’t look you in the eye and say I’ll be home soon. You’ve been so good, and strong for me, standing by my side. I’m out here chasing the dream, living up to all I’m supposed to be. Missing out on the one who means the most to me.”

Another chorus. A refrain. One last repeat of the chorus and Elias let his passion fly with each pluck of the strings. 

“You’re still mine-“

Elias let his strums die out, then rushed, “it’s my own arrangement. I’ve been working on it for a while, but I think I’ve got it. Do you think she’ll like it?”

A rock dropped in Ember’s stomach. “Who?”

“Ana. I know she’s got a date tonight, and no offense to Buddy, but I doubt she’s interested. He’s a little up-tight and she’s more of a free spirit.”

It was out before she realized she didn’t mean it. “Are you sure?”

Too late. Elias’s eyebrows almost met. “What do you mean?”

She had to tread carefully. If the group fell apart, her friends would hate her. “Just… are you sure? I know you two were tight in high school, but people change.” _Grow. Become visible in the right light when given a chance. _“You think Buddy doesn’t have a chance. The way I see it, if he really didn’t have a chance… she wouldn’t have said yes to a date.” Once it was out in the air, her words stabbed like knives in her lungs.

“I… hadn’t thought of it like that.”

He looked so hurt. Broken. Ember tried to backpedal. “Elias, it’s late. I could be wrong. Very wrong. And I don’t know her like you do. Heck, you guys wrote a play together.” She winced. It wasn’t getting any better. “Hey, the song is great. I’m sure if she-“

“Thanks for listening, Ember.”

The Skype call ended.

***

“I knew there was a reason I liked you.” Ana finished the last spoonful of the frozen treat. Turns out, they shared a favorite flavor. Buddy took her bowl and watched her lean back into the cushions. Her blouse rode up her stomach. “Now what?”

Buddy shrugged. “I don’t know. What do you usually do when you get to this point?”

“Never gotten to this point.” When he startled, she laughed. “I mean, yeah, I’ve been to guy’s apartments. But it’s just to talk. And I played video games with that one dude. I figured we see each other enough to skip the talking portion. And we did it at dinner. Is there a favorite movie or series you’d share with me?”

He scooted closer, tossing his arm over the back of the couch. The skin between her shoulder blades was just close enough for his fingertips. When he leaned in, Ana leaned back. “Hey,” he cooed, “what’s wrong?”

Ana tilted her head, eyeing him wearily. “What part of ‘I’ve never gotten to this point’ did you miss? That means I’ve also never gone further.”

“That’s okay.” Buddy shrugged. He scooted closer again, but Ana scooted further back. “Why are you acting like this? Do I disgust you?”

“No,” she rushed. But she couldn’t ignore the way her skin was crawling. “But you’re getting there. I don’t think we’re on the same level.”

Buddy smiled. “Agreed. You are out of my league. But I can be better. I’ve been putting muscle on, and if I keep helping my dad, my budget’s going to go up-“

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

There was fear in his eyes. He couldn’t ignore it anymore. Speaking softly, Buddy leaned back but continued to trace his fingertips over her skin. She was trembling. “Hey. I get it. You still have your V-card. That’s fine. But you’re how old again? Don’t you think it’s time to live a little?”

“I will live as I like, Buddy. You are never going to be in a position to make that decision for me.”

Buddy snatched his hand away, his gut burning. “I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal about this. It’s just sex. And I thought we had a lovely night. Good connection. Good food. Good company-“

“Do you really think you could buy my love with a steak and some ice cream?” Ana stood and lunged for the door. She was inches away from grasping the handle when she was tugged away. By the time she turned, Buddy had both his hands raised in surrender.

He took a second to catch his breath When she didn’t move, he took another. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. Let’s just… sit back down. Um… watch a movie. I went too far, yes, but I don’t want out evening to end on a bad note.”

Ana wasn’t prepared to let this go. “Why do you want to have sex with me?”

“What?”

She sighed. “Why, on the first date, or at all, do you want to have sex with me?” When he wasn’t forthcoming, she crossed her arms. “The only reason I’m still standing here is because you’re a friend that I trust. But that trust is sinking away faster than sand through a sieve. So you need to come up with a good answer. And quick.”

It wasn’t a common question. Not one that Buddy had experienced anyway. “I, uh-“ _Think!_ “I want to have sex with you because we’ve had a good connection as friends. At dinner. I wanted to continue to feel that here. Isn’t that what makes us human? A connection?”

“Buddy, you and I experienced tonight at different wavelengths. You talked about yourself the whole night, barely letting me speak past yes or no. I thought it was because you were nervous. But then we got here, and you were the same.”

“What are you talking about? You talked plenty.” The earlier flame in his gut spread throughout his veins. “Ana, I’m beginning to think you wanted this date to fail from the start. I nearly killed myself getting back here in plenty of time. Spent a fortune on you. And now I’m trying to give you my love and affection. What more do you want?”

Ana backed up against the door. She made sure it was unlocked and ready to open before she spoke. “I wanted to be treated like a human. A friend. Not someone you can bribe or a toy you can so easily fuck. You want a connection with me? Connect with my mind. Learn what I think about before you try to hop in my pants.”

She shuddered. Buddy had taken a large step back. Light preparing for a shot on goal.

“I’m sorry you feel that I’m not enough. You know your way out?”

“Yes.”

“See you when I see you.”

“See ya.”

Her steps were calm until they hit the pavement outside. Then she ran home with blurred vision.


	3. Reach For Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana tells her roommates about the date catastrophe. When she tries to tell Elias, he shrugs her off, hurt from the intel he received from Buddy. They do their best to do their worst to one another. Ember sings in public with one spectator in mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of the Week: “Reach for Me” from Smash, Krysta Rodriguez

When Elias walked up to their usual shaded spot, the relay was just going down. With a smile and a shake of his head, he listened to their chattering. Nothing like a date to make or break your week. He prepared to comfort Buddy as Seth wrapped up his story.

“And she said she wanted last night to count. Well, I was floored that it worked.” Seth winced. “She was a little mad at me this morning. We ended up crashing in the library instead of her apartment like we talked about. Oops.”

The musician shrugged. “As long as she’s still talking to you in the morning, it’s not a total loss.”

Buddy snorted. “Is that your motto? How’s that worked out for you so far?”

“It works just fine.” Elias looked him over. There wasn’t an outward sign that anything had gone badly. “Speaking of possibilities… how’d last night go for you?” His lungs jumped in his chest as Buddy leaned back and laced his fingers behind his head.

He had Seth’s full attention too. “That good, huh?”

“We had a connection.” He closed his eyes. “Hated to see her go after we shook apart.”

Seth hesitated to glance at his roommate. When he did, he noted the blue guitar pick worried between his teeth. “So it did go well.” He swallowed hard. “Congratulations.”

“Congratulations,” Elias mirrored. None of this sounded like Ana. She’d never been interested in taking the next step with- Ember’s words echoed in his head. Maybe she had been interested in Buddy. Maybe she was a different woman than the girl he knew in high school. He sighed. So be it.

Further conversation was interrupted by the arrival of the football cheerleaders, being stalked by a few of the baseball team. One cheerleader hid behind Elias with a squeal. She didn’t peak until she knew she was safe. “Hi,” she breathed.

“Hi.”

Down the commons, the other roommates were finally catching up. Everyone had conflicting emotions. Remorse. Betrayal. And worse. Both of Ana’s friends felt they could have been more helpful. But Ana had calmed down to a dull ache.

“You should have woken me up,” Ember said softly. “I could have talked it out with you.”

Becky nodded in agreement. “And you could have called.”

“You were studying.”

“We fell asleep in the library. And you know I would have dropped everything to help. At least I could have picked you up.” Becky jingled her keyring.

Ana forced a laugh. “I was home before you could have made it to the garage. And I wouldn’t want to deny you the view you got this morning of Seth’s table hair.” They all laughed at that, remembering the picture Becky snuck. Bex had planned to share it with the group, but now with the revelation of Buddy, Ana stuttered a breath. The guys were up ahead.

Taking her hand, Ember pulled Ana to a pause. “What do you want us to do? It was your date, so this is your show. We’re here for you whatever silence or fight you need us for.”

The trio started walking again. Ana’s voice was strong. “Don’t say anything. He didn’t physically hurt me or try to. But if he tries to repeat that little wrist grab on you or another woman, let me know. I’ll fight him myself.” For two more meters, she was a warrior who had come out on top. But when they got closer to the spot, her heart dropped. The one person she wanted to talk to the most was occupied.

“I’m Billie.” “I’m Peyton.”

“Nice to meet you two.” Elias smiled, turning his head back and for the between the two beauties. He kept getting lost between their eyes and the view below their throats. A wider grin spread across his face as Peyton wrapped her arm in his.

The other one, Billie, didn’t appreciate the shift of attention. “Hey! I saw him first. He saved me from Ariya.” She bit her bottom lip in a pout, fluttering her eyelashes. “Would you walk me to class? Just so I’m extra safe?”

Her friend gasped. “You said we weren’t going today. And it started over half an hour ago!”

“Better late than never. Please, Elias? Walk _both_ of us to class?”

Ana walked over just as he was accepting. Both women shot her disdainful looks. “Hey, Elias, can I talk to you?”

“I’m a little busy, Ana. Maybe when I get back.”

“Please,” she dared a glance at Buddy. He was watching her intently while speaking off-handedly to the baseball players. “It’s important.” It hurt how reluctant he was to take two steps to the left with her. “About my date last night-“

Elias rolled his eyes. “No need to brag. But I don’t see why your date has anything to do with keeping me from a nice stroll with these ladies.” The women in question giggled as he winked at them. Ana was not amused.

She started to bounce in place. “I’m not bragging. Trust me. Would you listen to me, please?” Taking hold of the end of one of his scarves, she gave it a tug. “I need-“

“My help. My attention. My whatever, right?” He turned with a growl. “According to all accounts, you had a great dinner, but you still look hungry. Typical. Now excuse me while I ignore your jealous streak for a while and-“

“Jealous. Of them?” An a scoffed. “I’m sure they are lovely people, but you can do so much better than being someone’s toy of the day.” She deflated. “I’m sorry, that’s not-“

But Elias picked up on her barb, stabbing his own. “And I thought you were better than Buddy. Guess we’re both wrong.” He leaned closer to her, adding a mocking edge to his voice. “Did you have _fun_ last night?”

For a barb, it’s aim was true. It made Ana reel back with a pained gasp. “You think…” Hurt fractured into anger. “And what if I did? What is it to you?” She looked at the cheerleaders again. “Is that why you’re walking them to class? Because you feel left out? That’s low of you, it really is.”

“Low of me?” he sputtered. “You’re the one mad that I have a social life outside of your circle.”

“My circle? It’s not just mine-“

“Goodbye, Ana. I have somewhere to be.”

When they stepped apart, and the echoes of their shouting stopped bouncing off the buildings, they both struggled to find a breath. Hesitantly, Billie and Peyton stepped up and laced their arms with his. That brought him back. Grounded him. Stilled his mind to stone. As he turned, Ember picked up his guitar case and offered it o him. He shook his head.

“Hold onto it for me. I don’t want to lug it up and down campus.” He looked back at Ana. “Too much baggage.”

Becky grasped Seth’s hand. Everyone watched Elias leave except one baseball player. He stepped up to Ana with a smug jolt to his step.

“What a jerk. Uh, this may not be the proper moment, but a bunch of the sports guys are going out, and I’m without a plus one-“

“No. It’s perfect timing.” She looked at Becky, who held up her hand intertwined with Seth’s. Even Ember had a player behind her. “What time and where?”

***

Time: ten pm. Where: The Mad Frog.

It wasn’t the biggest of places. Most of the bars around campus weren’t. But the building was older and had an atmosphere and aesthetic above the others. What set the Mad frog apart was the metallic paneling behind the bar, the stucco details on the ceiling and moldings, and the open mic to anyone who didn’t have stage fright. Special guests were advertised on the grimy plastic-letter sign outside. Tonight, Elias was included. By himself this time. Ana sometimes sang with him.

He sang early. The crowd loved his aloofness and is flirty nature with women usually on the front several rows. But he wasn’t above troubadoring his way to beauties in the back. The two cheerleaders from earlier cheered him from the front of the floor, two lone souls this early in the night. He was just finishing his set when the sports party came in.

The music didn’t falter when Ana stepped in. Elias’s strumming held true as the baseball shortstop, Ariya, placed his hand on her lower back. Thankfully the song could end on a sour note, due to the nature of it. Ana had stepped into the light. Her blue-tipped hair framed her face, and it matched the crisscrossing accents to her little black dress. Elias had helped her pick out that dress for a gig they did straight out of high school. He had a scarf to match.

“Enjoy your night everybody!” He waved and left the stage, weakly shaking hands with the incoming filler DJ. Billie and Peyton immediately latched onto his arms. The woman in blue was lost in the growing crowd as he was dragged over to the cheerleader’s table.

Ana tugged in her chair as Ariya plopped down into his. Already his teammates were deep in discussion. Small as the table was, a few had to stand behind their dates, making it hard to hear them. Ana barely listened. She watched the bubbles rise and pop in her ginger ale instead.

“What do you think will happen if war breaks out. Another player, _Mustafa_ Ana thought, fiddled with his non-alcoholic beverage. “I heard the president intends to use the draft again.”

“And she’ll have us do what? Fight our fellow citizens?” A spunky blonde tossed her pink tips over her shoulder. “It won’t come to that. California will come to an agreement.”

“It’s come to that before,” Ana muttered. There had been debates for almost a year now. The reason for the disagreement kept changing. Something between the refugee crisis and the lack of help during wildfires. She wondered where Buddy would end up if things did go sideways between the states. Popping her bubble of thought, Ariya stretched his arm over the back of her seat and began flirting.

Ember shrugged out from under her own date’s arm. Not that he paid any attention. The kissing faces he sent to the women across the table said his focus was shifted for the night. It took a minute, but she found Elias. He was strumming some ditty for a rapt audience between songs. Already the floor crowd was beginning to gather. The open mic would start soon. Leaving the table, she collected a case from behind the bar.

“You ready to get out of here?”

“Hmm?” Ana looked at Ariya. He was sipping an “expensive” whiskey that probably tasted like gasoline. “Sorry. I zoned out.”

He smiled and leaned closer. “I noticed. We don’t have to stay if you’re not having fun.”

Oh, thank heavens. “That would be-“

“My apartment is just a block away. Quiet, and not bothered by the usual city noise.” He took her hand. “Finish our drinks, the head out?”

Something about this sounded familiar. But what the hell.

“Sure.”

“Alrighty, Bearcats, it’s time to hear some local talent!” The bartender stepped out from behind her station and took the stage. She shuffled through some notecards. “To start with, we have a new face. Apparently she’s been learning guitar for months just for this song.”

Hesitantly taking a seat on the stage stool, Ember took several deep breaths.

“Now introducing a new voice… Ember!”

Another deep breath. Ember began to play. “I could fall in love with you. I could fall in love,” she sang. “In my dreams, your dreams come true. Tell me, do you dream of us?”

Ana didn’t notice her friend on stage. The hand on her back guided her to the door. Ariya’s hand dipped a little lower to the dip above her ass. She didn’t flinch. The cool night air rushed in, ruffling the clothes of the people sitting in the back.

As his scarves fluttered, Elias glanced from the music on stage to the open door. Ana’s retreating figure held his attention, much to Billie and Peyton’s chagrin. They tugged him back into his chair before the door slipped shut.

“Will you reach for me, reaching out for you?” Ember held the note steady. “Will you reach for me, reaching out for you?”

At the soccer table, Becky leaned against Seth’s shoulder. “She’s doing so good.”

“Mhmm,” he agreed. They chatted lightly while she sang. Comfortable and relaxed, their conversation drifted outside the schoolwork or the usual group subjects. They learned they had more in common than they thought. Sometimes Seth glanced at Elias, noting how his gaze lingered on the door.

“I can tell you’re unprepared for what will happen next.” Ember noted his gaze too. She sang through the lump in her throat. “Nothing now could change my mind, or make me want you less. Do you want this tonight…”

Outside on the street, Ariya’s hand had slipped down into Ana’s. As they stepped into the courtyard in front of his building, she pulled back. Everything about this was too close. Too similar to her date with Buddy.

“I’m sorry. I can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what?” He gave her a small reassuring smile.

Still, she shook her head. “I’ve developed a headache, I don’t want to bore you-“

“You won’t. Maybe I can give you a massage.” To emphasize his point, he walked around and gently placed his hands on her shoulders, rubbing his thumbs warmly along her spine. He chuckled when she shivered. “And maybe I can wrap you up in a blanket. Or-“ he rested his chin on her shoulder. “I can find other ways to warm you up.”

“Nope.”

Ana removed his hand and spun away. _I am allowed to be more. I am allowed to be more. I am allowed to be more._

“What’s wrong?”

She stepped away, putting her arm out so he couldn’t close the distance. “I think we got our signals crossed. I’m not one for taking these kinds of steps on the first date. My bad if you feel lead on.”

“And what if I do feel led on? What if I know from a reliable source that you do take these kinds of steps?” Ariya crossed his arms with a glare.

Ana sputtered. “Then I’m sorry. But, one, you’ve been misinformed. And two, I’m not going in with you. Case closed.”

He stomped off, digging his keys out of his pocket. “Bitch.”

“Asshole.” Ana wrapped her arms around herself and walked home. Minutes after she walked in the door, she sat down to create.

***

Ember bounced off the stage and immediately went to Elias’s table. She received congratulations and compliments the whole way, but there was only one she really wanted to hear. “What’d you think?” She might have asked him how Sunday brunch went. The response was the same.

“It was great.”

Impossible to keep her face from falling, Ember took stock of his focus. The door. Billie and Peyton had abandoned him halfway through her song when they couldn’t keep his attention. “Ana and Ariya still not back?”

That made him lurch around to her. He saw the dejection for the first time. “Um, no. They haven’t.” With a sigh, he stood and gave her a hug. “I’m sorry. Everything I heard sounded amazing.” Kissing the top of her head and giving her a healthy pat on the back, he added, “you are amazing.”

As he shuffled around on his feet, Ember came to a startling revelation.

Elias tossed back the rest of his drink. “I’m done for the night. See you tomorrow. You did really good.” The guitar case caught on the door when he left.

He was never going to be hers. Then again, maybe she had known that since the beginning.


	4. Goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After another round of date fall-out, Ana and Elias come to realize how much they’ve grown apart since high school. Graduation looms on the horizon, and with it, adulthood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of the Week: Good and Evil from “Jekyll and Hyde the Musical”

The engineering library was one of the many pocket libraries on campus. The rows of bookshelves ended at desks that faced the blank walls. Depending on the time of day, they were completely empty. At the wrong time, all full. And if students arrive early enough, they were great for morning meetings.

Becky was on her way now to such a meeting. After the party last night, she and Seth hopped over to the diner for some midnight milkshakes. He balked at her insistence that mint chocolate chip was the way to go. When he had walked her to her apartment door, she hadn’t wanted the night to end. And said as much. They’d settled for seeing each other in the morning. There was a project meeting to go to first, then they’d head to the cafeteria for breakfast.

As she rounded the corner, she could hear the pre-meeting already I sessions. The turn of conversation stopped Becky in her tracks.

“C’mon, Captain. There’s no way you went home alone last night.”

“Guys,” Seth warned. Becky could just see him through the shelves.

Another classmate bumped his shoulder. “You guys left together. It looked like she had a death grip on your arm.”

Seth grunted nervously. “And I deposited her safe and sound at her place. That’s it.”

The voices dropped. “So you did. But then you stuck around, right? Her singing roommate got wasted and didn’t leave the bar for hours. And Ariya said Ana was with him all night. Plenty of time for our Captain to have gotten down to dirty.”

Becky’s heart clenched to see Seth’s face twist into a knowing smirk. The guys around him hooted quietly. His words froze her lungs.

“Fine. If I tell you that the carpet does indeed match the rapes, will you shut up already? She’ll be here any minute.”

“I’m here already.” Becky stepped into view with tears in her eyes. No amount of regret in his eyes was going to change a thing. She promised that much to herself. “How dare you.”

“Bex-“

“Our night consisted of supporting our friend in her musical debut and a pair of milkshakes. You did not come into my apartment, and you never will.” Her blood was boiling; her voice was ice. “I thought you were better than this, Seth. Better than giving in to peer pressure or keeping knocks on your bedpost. I’m sorry I thought too highly of you.”

When Seth stood, she took a step back. “Becky-“

“I’m sorry I ever met you. Or trusted you. And for the soccer-engineering team’s information, Anahita Lupo sat up all night writing. Ariya Davari is a liar. As is Seth Rollins.”

He reached for her. She shied away.

“No.” Becky stumbled through an unsteady breath. “I can’t even look at you.” Behind her, the guys passed along their condolences. She stopped just long enough on the stairs to send a text. Then she ran before Seth could catch up.

***

There are several ways to have red-rimmed eyes. Three of them were present at the women’s sanctuary in the Anthropology book nook. Ember’s eyes were still bloodshot from her bender last night. Ana’s were red from exhaustion, a trophy for finishing her latest work. And once Becky joined them, her broken-heart-red completed the trio. Each woman relayed what happened to the other two. Tears spent and oxygen-depleted, they lapsed into silence.

Ana managed to speak first. “I’m so sorry, baby girl. Looking goof to his friends or no, he shouldn’t have done that to you. I figured a jerk like Ariya would lie. Especially with Buddy’s shining recommendation. But Seth-“ Words failed her. At the moment, she could find nothing to say.

One thing, possibly unrelated, kept nagging at Ember. “None of this should have happened. If I had kept my mouth shut about Buddy… but nevermind that. What were you writing last night?”

They all looked at the notebook sticking out of the top of Ana’s bookbag. She drew it out slowly, siting it on her lap.

“Even if I was the kind of woman Ariya thought he had last night, why would it matter? I am no one by myself. I can be as good or ‘evil’ as society wants to see me, if that’s how they want to view things. I’m the only one who gets to make that choice. After I wrote something to [express my hated for sex culture](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2FeropdxA_hj0&t=MDA3YTg1MzdiNmZkNzg0MDNmYjU3MzNhYzE2YjIyNzkyMjc2MGNiYyw4ekR2UXVnbw%3D%3D&b=t%3AQOrDoNG2pCT1YkkXMRMmCw&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdeepdisireslonging.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F188903510628%2Fheartstrings-chapter-4&m=1), I started a list. If hot-shot Ariya could lie, then so could I. The baseball team usually gathers on the green like we do. And I don’t see him avoiding me any time soon. So, I’m going to embrace his lie, and run with it.” She looked at her friends. “Do you guys want to watch the fireworks?”

“Yes.” “Hell yes.”

Sure enough, the team was gathered in clusters on the commons. A teammate saw them walking up and tapped Ariya’s arm. He turned with a huge smile on his face. “And here’s the woman of the hour. Would you please tell these lunkheads how much you enjoyed our homerun of a date? I already told them my part, but they don’t seem to believe me.” The glint in their eyes suggested otherwise. A few snickered.

Behind her back, Ana crossed her fingers where only Ember and Becky could see them. Then she made her play.

“I don’t know how much a woman is supposed to enjoy that particular five minutes. But sure. Ariya was attentive, loving, and did everything to get himself off as quickly as he could. My ‘enjoyment’ had nothing to do with it.”

The crowd buzzed with reactions. Ariya stepped closer to her and dropped his voice. “Hey! What are you doing? I know we didn’t do anything, but help me out here.”

Ana kept her voice to stage level. “We both know I didn’t come last night. Why should I lie to boost your ego? And if your team needs any proof of your _short_-comings, they only need to look at your reaction.” When the crowd laughed, she whispered only to him. “When you boast of running home base, maybe you should have locked in first base first. This is strike one for you. Lie about me again, and I’ll tell your team how you cackled like a velociraptor when you cum.”

The women left him spitting mad, giggling to themselves. Another teammate, Mustafa from last night, flagged Ana down. “Hey, on behalf of the team, I’m sorry. Ariya is all hot air and swagger. If you ever need someone to go out with, I hope he hasn’t ruined the team for you. We’re not all like him. Again, I’m sorry. I hope your week gets better from here.” He turned to walk away.

“Mustafa, wait.” She focused on breathing while trying to come up with what to say while pinned down by those brown eyes. “Just pass it along that men who lie about women will get what’s coming to them. With me, that’s my promise.”

“A good promise.” He smiled.

Ember and Becky rolled their eyes when Ana looked at them for permission. “And actually, my class is having a poetry reading this Friday. If you want to come, I’d be glad to see you there. If you’d like.”

“I love poetry.”

“Great.”

They exchanged numbers. With the first class time slot approaching, the women split up. Ana was just sending a final wave to Mustafa when Elias walked up. Watching her smile from a distance burned his stomach. In the background, he caught one last telling of the night’s story.

“So is this who you are now?” he asked, catching her attention. “First Buddy, and what? Now you’re going to work your way the baseball team?”

Ana huffed. “As I believe you put it, we are allowed to have a life outside of our shared circle. If you cared so much, why didn’t you talk Buddy out of it? Why didn’t you say something when I walked out with Ariya last night? I’m sorry, is it just your world I’m living in?” The words sliced like paper cuts across her skin even before she finished saying them. But they were in the air now. Nothing to be done. Right?

“Maybe I wanted to. But maybe I thought you wouldn’t listen to me, being so much of your own woman and all.” He grimaced. This was all wrong.

Stuffing her hands in her pockets, Ana swallowed worse words. “I would always listen to you, Elias. When we collaborate, we make beautiful things. But I can create my own beauty. You used to appreciate that. Working together made our skills grown. What happened?”

“I guess I grew in the opposite direction.”

“I guess I changed too.”

They drifted into silence.

Ana checked her phone. “I’m going to be late for class.”

“Same.”

“Goodbye, Elias.”

“Bye.” He watched her walk off the green. “Goodbye… Ana.”

***

The air began to cool, and Ana fell into a pattern as the semester came to an end. Her poetry reading went well and she saw Mustafa two more times before they agreed to go their separate ways. He was sweet and she thought the world of him. And, true to Elias’s prophesy, she worked her way through the baseball team. On top of that, in those stories that worked back to him, she was called Carmen. Apparently, she took the name change in stride. The ones that treated her like a human got a second date. The ones that claimed running the bases with her had their names smeared through the dirt.

She received a reprieve over winter break. Ember’s parents had invited everyone over for dinner and presents. Ana and Ember both redid their hair in red and green for the occasion. Becky added a green ribbon, saying her hair was red enough. Nobody mentioned the boys.

In the spring, the baseball team was called into duty. Part of Ana wanted some time to herself. That didn’t last long when the inactive football team invited her to a karaoke bar. She blew them away with her voice. The choice of words made for low hanging jokes with a few of them. She pulled out her earlier list and added insults to it.

Elias tried his best not to hear the stories. Or to see her on campus. Or to think about her. But she was everywhere. Everything hurt.

Engineering classes continued like normal. Becky and Seth still had to work together, so she tolerated his presence. Every day his lips burned with apology after apology. Every day Becky left before he could work up enough oxygen to say it. Until one day it finally spilled out.

“Please, Becky. I can’t keep sitting next to you like we’re just classmates.” To his dismay, she stood to leave. “No, please.” He took her hand, panting when she snatched it away. “I’m sorry. I should’ve never said what I did, in any circumstance. It was crass and low and did nothing but hurt you.” When she still hadn’t sat down, he sighed. “You don’t have to forgive me. And you never have to see me again once we get your plane off the ground. Just… I needed to tell you I’m sorry and I regret every word you heard that day. Even if I never get to speak to you again.”

Becky bit her lip. Slowly, she sank back down into her chair.

Seth held his breath.

“What took you so long, ya dolt?”

He puffed out a laugh. “I thought you figured out by now that I’m an idiot.”

“I had, yeah,” she said with a smile. “But you’re a good engineer. So I thought some of that logic would bleed over into your day-to-day.”

“Most days I’m better at math than actually thinking.”

“But you’re the captain of the soccer team?”

“I’m still better at math. And I prefer it actually.” He slumped into his chair. “So… are we okay? At least in part?”

Becky tilted her head, feigning unsureness. “Well, you’re ninety-five percent forgiven. The last five percent can be achieved by getting us a round of coffee.”

“Deal.” He was out of his seat in a second. Then he froze and looked back at her, knees weakening under her smile. “You… you’ll be here when I get back?”

She softened. “Of course.” Motioning to the pile of work, “it’s not like I could pack all this up and leave before you get coffee.”

“I dunno. It is midterms.”

“True that. But I’ll be here.” She leaned back in her chair once he was gone, relief replacing the former weight on her shoulders. They worked for two more hours, strategizing and relearning each other.

***

Buddy made it through midterms before he broke down. His apology was hesitant. Halting. Like breaking through a scab that hadn’t healed right. It was all he could do not to walk away in shame.

But Ana had a confession too.

“I forgave you within a few days. It was wrong what you did, and it terrified me. But I couldn’t hold onto that. It was eating me from the inside out, and I hated it.” She shrugged. “So I let it go. My anger. My pain- well. Not all of it. I found it hard to breathe when you walked up. And not in a good way. But thank you for apologizing.”

He let out a rushed breath. “Thank you.”

She stepped close. Buddy knew what was coming and didn’t step away. “But if you ever try that again with me or anyone else and I hear about it? I will burn you to the ground. Understood?” she ended lightly.

“Understood.”

***

By the time graduation rolled around, both tragedy and good luck struck.

The group met up for one last group dinner at Mr. Sushi before the parents would arrive. They had to ask for a wheelchair accessible table. Just two games into the season, the soccer captain had taken a falling human to the front of his shins. It broke his leg under the knee, knocking him out for the rest of the season. And out of pro-play. Surprising to everyone but Becky, he wasn’t bothered.

“Soccer is what got me the scholarship so I could go here. It was something that helped me pass the time and kept me out of trouble.”

“Mostly,” Buddy added. He received a wadded napkin to his face for his troubles. “Hey, careful. Or I’ll ask that your commission is taken away.”

Becky laughed. “Unlikely. The duo of Bex and Seth is here to assist the military with their technological needs.”

“You’re not the only one who will be helping out.” Ember shrunk in her seat as all eyes turned to her. “I’m going to be working on the new communications bureau they’re setting up in D.C.”

“What?” “Oh my gosh!” “Why didn’t you say something?”

She laughed. “Because it wasn’t set in stone until this morning.” As congratulations continued to swirl, the shifted the focus. “Okay, last one, Ana. Where are you landing?”

The poetess waggled her eyebrows. “Well, I am going to be writing songs and working with the recording studio downtown. Figured I had enough practice writing to make music, so I applied and got it. First day is two weeks after graduation.” She gave herself a round of applause with the others. “Speaking of music… has anyone heard from Elias? What happened to our troubadour?”

Sharing a glance, the guys tried to figure out how to word it. Buddy got to it first. “We thought you knew. He… he moved out after winter break. I’ve been living with Seth in his place.”

“Oh.” She smiled weakly. “Well, leave it to him to do something really unexpected.” To lighten the mood, she raised her chopsticks in a toast. “To Elias!”

“To Elias!”

The food arrived shortly after, forcing the conversation away from their incomplete group.

As they tossed their caps into the air the next day and took pictures and hugged and cried and promised to stay in touch, Ana felt different form her friends. She felt incomplete.

_No matter. I’ve got a dream job, my life ahead of me. I can do this._

Letting the thought go, she smiled and took more pictures with her roommates as they began to pack up the apartment.


	5. Act II's Duet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana comes back to UC years later and happens across the one person she never thought she’d see again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of the Week: “Break Each Other’s Hearts Again” by Reba McEntire feat. Don Henley

Three years later, Ana returned to campus. Turns out her dream job required travel, so she wasn’t often in Cincinnati. After six months in Atlanta working on a movie soundtrack, she was given a vacation. She returned to her apartment. Her bed. And one Tuesday night, she went back to the Mad Frog.

Classes had just ended for the spring semester. And while UC did an average summer enrollment, the bar would be dead until Friday and Saturday night. Some things never change. The unique paneling behind the bar was still there. Local band names still advertised on the grungy board out front. And talent was still encouraged to perform any day of the week.

The talent on stage when she walked through the door stopped Ana in her tracks.

“Another sun, another moon. Can’t look you in the eye and say I’ll be home soon. You’ve been so good and strong for me, standing by my side.”

It was Elias.

At first, it looked like he hadn’t aged a day. But when Ana took a seat closer to the stage, a few silver strands in his hair caught the light. And dark circles, deeper than when they did back-to-back all-nighters to finish the musical, hung under his closed eyes. The scarf she’d bought him in high school hung around his neck.

He opened his eyes, spotting her.

“I’m out here chasing the dream. Living up to all that I’m supposed to be, missing out on the one who means the most to me ‘cause you deserve a symphony-“

Ana sat enraptured as he continued to sing a song she’ never heard. The pain of separation twisted in her heart when he looked out into the mostly empty bar. When he finished, the table in the back gave him smattering applause. He stepped off the stage for a drink.

The bartender, the day shift manager, wiped down the glass in his hand and poured two fingers of Jack. “You know… I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you play that song and not break a string at the end. What’s up?”

Elias glanced down the end of the bar to where Ana was sitting, nervously worrying the hem of her blouse.

“That’s her, isn’t it?”

Two sips of Jack. “Perhaps.”

Glancing from the corner of his eye, the bartender got a better look at Ana. She looked familiar to him. It wasn’t until she braved enough energy to walk over to Elias that he was able to place her. He stepped away to give the reunion some space.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

It was a cold reply. But it wasn’t a full rebuttal either. Ana sat down on the stool one seat away from his. The space between them thrummed bigger than three years. “Long time no see,” she tried. Despite the refreshing drink in her hand, her mouth was dry.

“Yeah. Lot’s of travel over the year. You?”

“Same. Just back from Atlanta.”

Elias jolted. “How long were you there?”

She told him the months, watching the surprise ease into amusement.

“I was there about eight months ago. Short gig.” He dropped to a whisper. “I just missed you.”

“Ships in the night,” Ana agreed. Her heart panged with wanting to hear those words again but in a different direction. Both of them hovered on everything they wanted to say. She broke first. “Elias, I’m sor-“

“Aren’t you Ana Lupo?” The bartender circled back around. When she grimaced affirmatively, he smiled. “I thought it was. Never seen this place so packed as when you two tore the place down. Drink’s on the house if you’ll sing one more time.” He nodded at Elias and his glass. “You too.”

They shared a look. Elias swung around on his stool.

“You still remember that act II duet?”

“Which one?”

“You know which one.” He stood, heart leaping in his chest when she followed. “And if you don’t, you figure it out.” From the back corner of the stage, Elias dragged out an extra mic stand. He hoped she hadn’t changed so much. Talking or singing, Ana used her hands. Never liked holding a mic. Unless it was gripping something sturdy if she was self-conscience. Elias bit back a grin as Ana strangled-held the stand. As they sang, she loosened up into her old habit.

After a few chords, Ana acknowledged she knew exactly which song Elias had referenced.

“[Do you still drink whiskey?](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2Fw5FHFiQg14w&t=YTExMWMwODQ2Y2Y3NDhiODI1NjMzMmU1YWM1MjAwMmM2NDc4OGM2YyxGNUM4MXAyZA%3D%3D&b=t%3AQOrDoNG2pCT1YkkXMRMmCw&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdeepdisireslonging.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F189081852018%2Fheartstrings-chapter-5&m=1) Can I buy you a round? If nobody’s sittin’ here, do you mind if I sit down?” Ana dared a glance at Elias and couldn’t look away. “I was nervous when I saw you; I almost walked away. And now I can’t believe… what I’m about to say.”

They began to sing together as nothing had changed. It was an easy step back into harmonizing with each other. Picking up each other’s breathing patterns. Completing the tune between them.

“These arms wanna hold you. These lips wanna kiss you. These eyes are glad to see you. Baby, I missed you. Let’s drive each other crazy like we did back then. Why don’t we get together… and break each other’s hearts again?”

Elias dropped into the second verse. The song was as familiar as his heartbeat; he could sing it in his sleep. Each word fell like a ghost from his lips, but he meant every one. Their last day together replayed in his mind. _Why didn’t you say something when I walked out with Ariya last night? _Regret crept in. And going by the tears threatening in Ana’s eyes, she felt it too. They moved on to the chorus again, then she started the refrain.

“Loving you should be the last thing on my mind.”

Together. Meaning every word like their high school hearts could never have anticipated. “It feels so good to let you hurt me one more time.”

Overhead, thunder crashed, rattling the glasses behind the bar. The last repeat of the chorus was like singing through electricity. Crackling. Painful. Ana held onto the last note as long as she could. Elias cleared his throat and focused on playing the last chords.

When he looked back up, Ana was halfway across the floor.

The door slammed shut.

Not this time.

The door slammed again, but this time he was on the right side of it.

She hadn’t stepped into the crosswalk yet. Cold rain was pouring down, so her arms were wrapped around her body. Elias was soon soaked as he chased after her. “Ana, wait!”

Somewhere in the back of her mind, Ana played with the cliché of crying in the rain. But then his thumb smoothed across the salt drops and she didn’t care.

He kept smoothing them away and brushed the hair where it was stuck to her forehead. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said the things I did.”

Ana caught his hands in hers. “And I never should have locked you out like that.”

“Everything I said… It was your life. They weren’t my choices to make and I didn’t have to judge you for making the ones you did.”

“The anger and pain I felt shouldn’t have stopped me from talking to you. I should have told you the truth.”

Elias started. “The truth?”

After all this time, the words didn’t want to come out. Ana swallowed the doubt away. “Yes. They were lies. All of it. Buddy, Ariya… I lived up to my Carmen name because I didn’t have the energy to fight it. By giving in, I took control of the situation. Or it felt like it at the time.” She ran out of oxygen and had to take a deep breath. “Our fights were about falsehoods. Nothing. And the only thing that held me back from telling you was my pride. I’ve changed. I’m not that strong anymore.”

His voice came out soft. “I made you feel so alone.” He shook his head. “It shouldn’t have mattered whether you slept with those guys or not. I knew you. And you haven’t changed. You are still Anahita. Strong, beautiful, brilliant Anahita who knows what she wants-“

“Not always.”

“-And she gets it. You’re a big name in the music world. I reacted the way I did… because some part of me decided that you could only be happy with me. I lashed out. My anger became your pain.”

It was Ana’s turn to cup his face in her hands. “I didn’t get everything I wanted. What I wanted was to share my dream with someone. Not to feel completed or whole. But because I want to smile and laugh with my best friend.” She looked down the street. “Rumors and life aside, I haven’t found anyone yet. Sometimes I feel I never will.”

“Same. But you’re radiant, Ana. You’ll find someone.”

“You will too. All that talent deserves some love.”

“It’s not coming any time soon.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Always so hopeful. I wish-“

“I’m not always like this, and you know it.”

They broke off into soft laughter.

Ana looked up at the sky. “So, we’re both wrong. And cold, and wet. If we leave now, we can beat the meter. Where are you staying these days? I can drop you off if you want.”

Another stab of loss twisted in Elias’s chest. The words were flying before he could stop them, even if he wanted to. “The only thing I could want I’m not letting go for a second, or technically a third, time.” Crooking his finger, he lifted Ana’s chin to look into her eyes. “May I?”

“Yes.”

The soft press of their lips started cold under the chill of the rain. It warmed up as Ana wrapped her arms around the back of Elias’s neck, while he squeezed her close. Ana ended up on her toes to deepen the kiss. Her feet rose off the ground, spinning water from her boots as Elias spun around. They continued to fly all the way to Ana’s apartment.

Outside, the rain slacked off and their world came together.

Inside every home and tv and phone, the nation exploded apart.


	6. Written in the Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> War is coming. People know that now after four inter-timed speeches capture the nation. It’s time to pick a side or it will be decided for you. Elias and Ana didn’t move fast enough. Now their reunion is at risk of being cut short.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings/Promises: rebellion demonstrations, speeches, fictional politics, angst  
Song of the Week: “Written in the Stars” from Aida

It started with a demonstration. And then another. And another. The fires were started simultaneously. Synchronized. As the media got their cameras on each one, they split their screens to show them all. The reporters stayed silent. The demonstrators took turns speaking, like partners in a college group project.

The first filmed demonstration was the destruction of the city hall steps in Flint, Michigan. Being next door to the police department, and a few doors down from a media office, word was out in minutes. The fire that caught the bushes and trees and the building protected the demonstrator standing in the middle.

Before terrorism could be claimed and blamed, a kidnapped reporter and their team radioed in the second strike. They’d been grabbed the day before and held until that night to “do their job.”

The second demonstration was more private. Secret. And away from citizen populations. The immigrant camps along the Texas-Mexico border had been invaded. There was a reversal of the situation as the captives were freed and given medical attention before being driven away. The officers and overseers were packed into the same holding cells just as tightly as the bodies that had been freed. The leading demonstrator looked on from beside the camera.

Every media broadcast with ideas went quiet as they received the third transmission. Silently, each team member tried to formulate a connection.

The third demonstration, in Atlanta, Georgia, was another rescue. Swat officers were cuffed and sitting on the ground beside their vans as criminals were blasted with water hoses against the rough brick wall. Young women, girls, and boys were hurried out of shipping crates into blankets and repossessed ambulances. The victims were many nationalities, speaking many terrified languages. They were answered by the team as best as they could. This demonstration’s leader faced directly into the camera.

As one, the other two did as well.

Flint spoke first. The flames around her illuminated her ebony skin, but her eyes glowed fiercer than the fire. “Now that we have your attention… you _will_ listen to us. Since you have not listened to us for years.”

In Texas, with long free-flowing black hair and skin the color of earthy ocher, his voice rang with a Navajo lilt. “This history lesson can no longer be ignored. Those who have skipped those pages or turned away, you cannot continue to repeat the mistakes of those before you. We won’t let you.”

Atlanta made her voice known. She stood radiant and as exotic as those who trembled behind her. “Time nor distance can cover up your lies or treachery any longer. Through the voices of the hundreds and the thousands that you have destroyed through greed, we will be heard and heeded.”

The lady of Flint raised her arms, drawing attention to the building behind her. “Five years ago, in the best interests of her citizens, the city of Flint began the process of switching the city’s water from buying from Detroit to using a local source. Within four months there were boil water advisories put into place. In less than a year, the water in our homes was visibly toxic and was shown to our counsel to force them to change. They did not. By March of 2015, the water was seven times the lead health limit. Our leader vetoed using a different source, claiming it could be just as bad. In a few months, our water was worse than toxic waste, and state and national governments were scrambling. Two years ago, still no one was listening. One year ago, the state ended the free clean water distribution. This year, they’re still replacing the pipes lined in lead and copper. Five years! Our children are sick. We are in danger of developing cancer.”

She shrugged. “We get it. Bureaucracy takes time. But for the health of the nation’s people, it should not take this long.”

Inside the cells in Texas, the imprisoned officers started yelling. They were commanded to be silent. Their own recorded disgusting treatment of refugees was played on TVs on the outside floor. The man sighed.

***

On a couch on West Point’s campus, Becky curled tighter into Seth’s side. He did his best not to tremble, holding her close.

***

“We are tired. The Trail of Tears. Wounded Knee. Closing the borders to Jewish refugees in World War Two. Closing them to Irish immigrants during the potato famine. For a land of the free, home of the brave, democracy is highly selective to who they give freedom to. Delaying help, or relief, or peace is worse than erasure. Exodus is caused by many reasons. Danger at home. Forced removal from home. In America for her young life, it means extermination, and nothing less. Mountains majesty and fields of waving grain are protected by starvation, walls of iron, and hatred that should weigh like a boulder in their stomachs. But it does not.”

He breathed deep, obviously stamping down immense rage. “History cannot be allowed to continue like this. The present must be rewritten.”

***

In DC, Buddy was also watching. His father paced the length of the room behind him, muttering into his phone. Everyone on the screen was clear. Direct. The punchline was approaching.

***

The streams of water died down in Atlanta. Each man and woman sank to the ground, catching their breath. Their over-watch looked on without pity. “Look at them,” she muttered. “Look at them!” She pointed back at their drenched bodies and stared into the soul of everyone watching at home. “Silence made them. Closed doors paid them. Desperation for a better future provided these monsters with the cargo they could sell at any price. This nation used to stand for a dream of a better life. Greed and hollow promises have destroyed that. This city is the hub of the nation in selling human flesh. Slavery is still just as real here as it was when this city burned during the Civil War. And it bleeds into powerful homes around the nation, and into expensive yachts, and into soundproofed basements.”

With a nod, the water started again. The screams quickly turned to gurgles.

“No more cover-ups. No more dead list keepers. No more crates of human livestock. No more. There will be a reckoning in this century. Money and power will not make a difference.”

To their great dismay, a fourth call came into the station. They gave that team screen space too. On the tiny Ellis Island surrounded by water and illuminated by a small bonfire, a lone figure looked up at the Statue of Liberty. They took several seconds to savor the meaning of the figure. They were neither male or female. Androgynous. But the voice of silent thousands backed them.

***

From her view, Ember took note of the earpiece caught in the bonfire light. That must be how the teams were listening. All the better not to talk over one another. Clever. And successful.

***

They shifted their focus from the verdigris copper and glanced at the fire. A breeze shifted their hair as they started to speak. “These are but a few grievances of the people in power. They circle around one thing: democratic stillness. There are too few voices speaking for the masses, so we had to act. South from this doorway into a promised land, one city overseas most of the nation’s aid. Of course each state and county and city has its own government. But Washington DC is the center of power.”

***

Mr. Murphy stopped pacing. Buddy felt ice form in the sweat on the back of his neck.

***

“On the other side of the nation is the state of California. It stretches over one hundred and sixty thousand square miles and is home to almost forty million people. They have two people in the Senate, like any other state. And fifty-three representatives. This Jefferson system worked fine when there were thirteen states. But over time the nation’s population has grown. And the people sitting in those seats no longer have the interests of the people at heart, no matter their best intentions.”

The voice growled, then perked back up.

“Money is a great motivator. Between lobbyists and secret promise embedded like code into legislation, what can be done? No government is perfect. But what stops us from trying something else? Starting new?” They nodded. “Over the past several years, the state of California had been trying to incite change. We’ve almost left before. But we wanted to stay connected to our family. Our fellow states. Our nation.” Their voice turned to ice. “We the people can no longer stand by.”

***

Becky her hands into Seth’s shirt. “Here it comes.”

The Murphy men tensed.

Ember sighed in acceptance.

***

“As of the end of this broadcast, California is no longer a state. We are our own nation. Free to male the changes for our citizens like Washington can’t.” They shook their head. “You have failed your nation. Your citizens. Humans living on your soil. Your humanity. Those who don’t agree are free to leave without persecution over the ideals of politics. Those who wish to join us are welcome too. The winds of change are here. Hear them.”

With that, the bonfire snuffed out. And all four feeds cut off.

***

When Ana and Elias untangled from the sheets the next morning, the United States was in chaos.

The president claimed that California was not its own nation. It was still part of the union and the citizens were too. Not everyone agreed with her. The surrounding states also succeeded, by letter, by video packages, and by having their representatives walk out of the houses of Congress. Highways between the two sides were grid-locked in both directions.

Though the broadcast was played over and over, the four demonstrators were never seen again.

After two months, everything had escalated further. The army was sent out to the heaviest part of the grid-lock between Texas and New Mexico. Washington, Oregon, Nevada, Arizona, and Colorado stood inside the new nation’s borders, the rest outside of it. There was too much border, so the president re-engaged the draft. Those who hadn’t eagerly signed up at the beginning were called to bases and temporary camps around the country. With the highways blocked by cars, trains were used to ship out soldiers. The media on both sides called up historians to compare these actions to the Civil War times.

“They are not soldiers, and we will not come to Civil War,” the president said, reaching the end of her state of the union address. But her hands shook later as she stepped off the podium. Her own son was in Nevada. And he wasn’t coming home any time soon.

Despite her words, plans continued forward. The new recruits needed leadership. Buddy was given a rank and a spot at the war table. His father couldn’t keep a smile off his haggard face every time his son walked into a room.

With the roads out, the air became the leading way to get information. Becky and Seth were tasked with rapidly developing a small unmanned craft that could deliver non-digital mail since the others were being used to ship soldiers from one state to another. The commercial airlines were grounded for anything non-military too. They had a plan in production within a month.

Ember joined a team to create a separate flow of information than when the country was whole. Because everyone had used the same system of security before the split, the created a security hazard. She learned to code in record time and rose quickly through the ranks.

Elias was drafted.

***

“You look so good in uniform.” Ana smoothed down the lapels of Elias’s shirt. The terminal was buzzing around them with other couples saying their goodbyes. In the distance, a whistle called. Five minutes to departure. “I wish you could stay,” she whispered.

“I do too.” Elias crushed her in a hug, kissing the top of her head. “But someone’s got to deliver food to those stranded families. The gridlock is still solid and they don’t want people to starve.” He chuckled. “Isn’t there a Doctor Who episode about a gridlock?” When she didn’t laugh, he took her hands. “I’m sorry. I tried to stay, but there wasn’t a whole ‘lotta wiggle room with the draft. And what could we have done?”

Ana shook her head. No real ideas were forthcoming. And the few that did were weak. “We could have left.”

“And gone where? The entire middle of the country is locked, remember?”

“Then we go the other way. Europe. Or north to Canada.”

“I’m already drafted. Though I had hoped Buddy would have hired me too.”

With a roll of her eyes, Ana fiddled with Elias’s shirt buttons. “Writing political speeches and poems to keep up oral is hardly a job. And I can’t see you sitting still enough for that.”

“I tried. But they got me. It was ‘move’ or you will be moved.”

They headed back for the train. Down the platform, the conductor started to call back and forth for the passengers. “All aboard!” The buzz increased.

Desperately, Ana clung to Elias. “Wait… please.”

He gave her hands a squeeze. “I can’t.” Hot tears pricked at the both of them. When hers fell first, he wiped them away. “I hate this. I just got you back and now the world’s tumbling apart. It’s like it’s written in the stars that we can’t catch a break.” The pain getting to him, he held her close again. “Sometimes I wonder if it would have hurt less if I hadn’t been found by you again.”

“Don’t say that.” Ana stepped back and weakly slapped his chest. “You’re coming back. Promise me.”

Elias shoved a small velvet box into her hands. “This is my promise I’ll come back. Don’t open it until we’re down the tracks, but I promise I’ll come back for it. After all, I have to present it to you properly.” He pressed his lips against her forehead before she could see his tears. “Goodbye, Ana.” He rushed onto the train.

Her tears were flowing freely now. “Goodbye, Elias.” She took a step back.

The train whistle blew, ringing in against the brick wall. It clanked to life, jolting and bumping like kindergarteners standing too close in line. Finally, after much cajoling from the engine, the train began to move forward. All over the platform, and through the windows on the train, people waved goodbye to each other.

Children to parents. Parents to their spouses and infants. Classmates to peers. Brother to brother. And lover to lover.

Ana kept her eyes fixed on Elias the second he wrestled his way to a window. She waved and smiled like was spinning on a ride at a festival. And not like he was going to war. She was memorizing him. How he looked now. How he looked at the bar months ago in the rain. His laugh as they made pancakes the next morning… before they turned on the tv. The warmth of his lips on her forehead. She memorized him until he was a dot in the distance.

She opened the box, hoping for a final tinkling song.

Inside was a ring.


	7. Paper Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana and Buddy have a heart to heart discussing whether or not she should enlist. Ember has a gift from the front lines.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings/Promises: talk of guns/shooting, angst, alcohol mention, fluff  
Song of the Week: “Dream a Little Dream of Me” – Michael Bublé

“Ms. Lupo? It’s time for shooting practice?”

Ana looked up from her desk. Lyrics and poetry lines danced in front of her eyes until he could refocus on the petite blonde before her. In another life maybe she had pink-tipped locks. Her own hair hadn’t been blue since… But this probably wasn’t that groupie from the Mad Frog. “Sorry. Am I late?” She shook her wristwatch ‘round so the face was on top.

The woman smiled. “No. I’ve learned better than to leave you to your own scheduling.”

With a blush, Ana stood and straightened her uniform. “Probably a good idea. Lead the way, Ms. Bliss.”

The poetess ended up not having to move to DC. Because of its defensiveness being north of the Ohio River and the Appalachian Mountains, and it’s east-coast location, the Ohio Valley had become training central. Across the river and down an hour or so, the flatter plains famous for horse racing changed into wide training fields. UC continued as a university, though the ROTC and brother military branches took up most of the football stadium’s time. To the east of Cincinnati, where the urban sprawl leveled out, the safest shooting ranges trained everybody. Safe because the targets could be set up in front of the hills with no residential targets behind them. Larger maneuvers took place out west, but everyone was trained here first. Union Terminal had been repurposed from her museum exhibits to her original role as a train station for soldier transport.

Her world had changed.

Major Bliss drove the short distance between the offices and the range. Her small frame hid the best rifle work in the country. No one could hit the target with such divine aim as Alexa “The Goddess” Bliss. And she was a good teacher.

What started as a way to keep Ana from going stir-crazy, she was now a great shot. The noise-canceling headphones, that played controlled explosions and gunfire, and small doses of adrenaline gave the trainee the effect of real combat. Even with all that, Ana could hit a target with a rifle from a football stadium away, plus seats.

By now, Major Bliss stayed in the booth while Ana shot, correcting her through a text box in her sniper’s sight. It was easier than trying to yell through the noise in the headphones. It left the Major open to update the base’s general. Right on schedule, Buddy Murphy entered the booth.

He had slid into his new rank with ease. Seth Rollin’s prediction had come true. After General Murphy’s death, there was a leadership gap. Buddy had been groomed perfectly for the position. It was his before the funeral ended. On the inside of his left jacket pocket, he wore one of his father’s medals.

“How’s she doing?”

“Better, if that’s possible. If you weren’t so intent on keeping her out of harm’s way-“

“Alexa-“

“I know she’s our best morale booster. The voice of the Union, they’re calling her. A modern-day musical Rosy Riveter.” Major Bliss typed for Ana to shift her aim a tiny bit to the left. Then she passed some binoculars to Buddy. “Look at her. Look at her skills.”

Buddy watched a hole appear dead center in the target. “She’s good.”

“Really good. We could really use her in New Mexico. California is letting people in and out willy-nilly, but they’re starting to attack our walls keeping people in. With aim as good as hers, she could take them out at the kneecaps. She wouldn’t have to kill anyone-“

“She won’t go. Trust me.” He handed back her binoculars. “I’ve tried. Her story keeps changing, but women aren’t part of the draft; we can’t make her go.” What he didn’t mention was the promise he’d made to Elias. The guitarist called him up first right after receiving his summons.

_“Protect her. Please. She’s all I’ve got.”_

_“I will. I promise.”_

Elias had shipped out the next week, leaving Buddy with the awkward task of protecting the woman he still had feelings for, for another man.

Major Bliss sent a message to Ana. _Good. Done._ “She’ll be on her way soon. And despite what you think, she does actually listen to you. Please try again.” She lightly punched the general in the shoulder. “You’re a good man, protecting her as you do. But in these days, when do the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few?”

The women met outside the booth. Ana passed along her rifle and headphones. Major Bliss gave her an electrolyte drink to help her wear down the adrenaline shot. Because Buddy had come in his own jeep, a newer, faster model than Alexa’s, the Major loaded up what she didn’t need to lock away, then made to drive off in the wrong jeep.

“Major,” Buddy lightheartedly growled.

“General,” she winked back. Turning, she hopped into her jeep and drove off. Watching her dust settle, the general shook his head.

Ana finished her drink. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your company today, General?” Her eyes flicked to the receding jeep. “Or did you come to see Alexa?”

“No,” he rushed.

“Oh?”

Buddy cleared his throat. “No. I did actually come to see you. Ember’s got something for you and she wanted to catch you before you locked yourself back in your office.”

Her heart leaped in her chest. “Thank you. And you’re here to give me a ride, too?”

He smiled. “Of course. Unless you want to walk the two miles to communications-“

“No, no. I’ll appreciate the ride. Thanks, General.”

“Stop that.”

Ana giggled and hopped into the passenger seat. She waited until he’d turned the jeep around to the road before bringing up the obvious. “I know she asked you again.”

“She’s going to keep asking until you either leave or until you give her a stronger excuse.” He turned down the road, glad to be on pavement instead of dusty gravel. “I have to admit she’s wearing me down a bit.”

“Buddy-“

“If you were to enlist, you know you’d be one of the best, right?” He pulled off the road and turned off the engine. “If I’m going to keep talking Alexa away, I need a reason. Why don’t you enlist?

On the other side of the road, the wind passed through the trees, ruffling the leaves and cooling the hot air. Fall was on the move.

“Words are my weapons. There’s a job to do here, so I’m doing it.” Ana smiled. “They’re a light in these dark times. And they keep me going.” She paused. “If I become a sniper like you and Alexa want… it would be real.”

A vice gripped Buddy’s lungs. “What do you mean?”

She fiddled with the hem of her uniform, trying to formulate the worry she’d had since Elias told her his deployment date. “If I go out there… if I deploy with a gun that can do actual damage… then Elias is in danger. I could lose him. Distancing myself like this keeps him close.”

_“Protect her. Please. She’s all I got.”_

The general regretted making that promise. He still wanted to keep her safe… but why not for himself? Both of them had grown up since the fiasco in college. He’d grown closer to her.

Turning the key, the jeep rumbled back to life.

Buddy worded his thoughts carefully. “Ana… not to be a Debby Downer, but you need to be prepared that not everyone comes back. We’re all Americans, yeah, but there have been deaths. Things are getting worse out there.” He pulled next to the communications building. “You seem to be the only one who doesn’t see the risk.”

“He’s okay.”

“How do you know that?”

“I know. I just do.” She placed her hand over his on the steering wheel. “Thank you for what you’re trying to do. I appreciate it.” Leaning over, she placed a friendly kiss on his cheek. “And thank you for the ride. Why don’t you come inside for a drink?”

It didn’t take much cajoling to get him to follow. But Ana was too busy bouncing out of the jeep and into the building to notice the wheels turning in Buddy’s mind.

His idea of a drink and hers were two very different things. When Buddy came back with a glass of something alcoholic, he chuckled to see Ana leaning over a cup of hot chocolate with her phone. She tilted it this way and that. Made sure to have the proper lighting. And poked the mini marshmallows into perfect position.

“Only you would think to maintain your Instagram during all this.”

Ana posted it before holding the warm cup between her hands. If fall was coming, it was hot chocolate season. “It’s better than seeing posts about rationing fabric and petrol.”

“Fair enough.” Buddy took a sip. “But I wouldn’t promise continued posts any time soon.”

“Am I allowed to ask if you’re going to EMP California?”

“No. But I’m telling you, don’t rely on the internet for much longer.”

Ana saluted. “Yes, Sir.”

“Stop that.”

He drove off a minute after they finished, the growl of the vehicle following her for the length of the building. She burst into Ember’s office. Some of the adrenaline, and now sugar, was buzzing in her system. The force of her “burst” had startled Ember, sending papers flying into the air and cluttering the floor. Not that there wasn’t paper or maps on the floor already.

“Ana! Can you please not do that?” The former roommate leaned back in her chair, pressing her hand to her thumping heart.

“Sorry. Just got off the range.” She leaned against the desk, twiddling her fingers on the wooden surface. It was one of the nicer ones. Perks of being the woman in charge. When Ember walked around for her papers, Ana launched to help. “By the way, where’s Bex?”

It was amusing how observant Ana was while dropping off the adrenaline. According to everyone else Ember saw dropping, they became slow and disconnected. Then again, she’d always been the energizer bunny if Becky wasn’t around the claim the energy. “She was airborne. Has been since you last had a writing rush. I think Seth’s driving to the terminal this afternoon to pick her up. Funny how the best way to deliver their new planes is to fly them there.”

“Funny that outta the two of them, Becky’s the one who ended up doing it. Not that Seth minds.” Ana stood and handed over the papers she’d gathered. “Sometimes I’d think he invented that bum knee if I hadn’t seen the cast myself.”

Ember chuckled. “Same.”

They lapsed into silence. On the wall, the seconds clicked by. One woman hummed a tune from the radio she helped write. The other took up a pen and began scratching down a note. They both knew who’d crack first.

“Come on, Ember, please!”

With a grin, she pulled out the top side drawer of her desk. Pushing a button on the bottom, the secret panel sprung up. She pulled out a letter.

“Is it-“

“Of course, it’s from him. Nobody else writes in that musical code but you two. You’re welcome for the cryptography help, too.”

“Thanks, honey.” Ana snatched up the letter and plopped down on the window seat. “May I?”

“When do you not?”

She sat down with a chuckle and pressed her lips to the point of the flap. In the other letters that Ember had smuggled from Oklahoma, Elias had promised he kissed the paper there to pass along to her. It was childish and silly, but Ana didn’t care. Every letter meant that he was okay. As for the code, it was a collection of music notes and symbols mixed in with scrambled letters. It looked like musical shorthand to the trained eye, gibberish to the untrained, but it didn’t make sense to anyone who hadn’t seen the key. Although Ember had come up with it, she couldn’t read it without help. Ana could read and write it because of the number of pages she and Elias send over state lines.

But in all of those pages, they’d never mentioned the velvet box.

The way he insisted on addressing her in the letters made her giggle. Perfectly childish. And sweet. Her eyes misted over within a few words.

**Dove,**

**I miss you. I miss you like the flower misses the sun in the cold of winter. And misses the cloud in the swelter of summer. If I could kiss your lips instead of this dry paper, I would never need to drink again. The sweet taste of your lips would quench my thirst forever if I could just kiss you now.**

He waxed poetic for a while. Ana picked up on the rhythm he used and hummed their symphony to herself. For a short section, he described his new duties as troupe troubadour. It made her heart swell to know that he was singing her songs those thousands of miles away. Apparently, they were just what the troupes needed. Then her humming faltered as he began to describe what he overheard in the mess hall.

**It’s probably treason to tell you this, but I don’t want you to be in the dark if I can’t write. No matter what they tell you on the east coast, people are dying here. We’re not at Gettysburg levels yet, but it’s happening.**

**We’re not even firing at the Californians. People trying to leave the west coast states are welcomed with open arms, food, and medical assistance. It’s people trying to leave our side of the fences that get shot at. Most of us shoot at the ground. More warning than threat. But there are several people on the squad who believe that these people running are deserting. Traitors. Anyone who doesn’t die on the spot is dragged back to base and attended before being confined. We’re running out of room.**

**Another problem is the highway system. We’re in a race, Dove. The first side to clear out the vehicles in their way will gain control of the easiest path to maneuver over new ground. The faster the side moves, the more metal and gasoline they have. I don’t know about the Californians, but most cars are looted as we go. Things like photo albums are collected and documented with the auto titles in the glove compartments. I can’t image that nightmare when this is over.**

**The front line is where they think the two sides will collide. There’s been talk that we’ll get moved there, but something is holding our commander back. A special order?**

**I can’t wait to see you again, my Dove. I’ve been working on new music to sing together. Reworked some old stuff too. We’re going to have albums for the next four seasons to release when we get back.**

**Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you, sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you. But in your dreams whatever they be, [dream a little dream of me](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2F0QgM7lNgFnA&t=ZGI3NTYyYzAyMWQ4ZjdhY2VmMDYxZjhhNjQ5YTJmOTA4YjZmNmU4OSxIeUhhVWpBag%3D%3D&b=t%3AQOrDoNG2pCT1YkkXMRMmCw&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdeepdisireslonging.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F189370841356%2Fheartstrings-chapter-7&m=1). I _will_ see you soon. I promise.**

It ended without his signature. Like it always did.

Ana gave it to Ember to keep in the secret safe in her wall, then walked back towards her building.

The second she closed the door, she slid to the ground and cried.

***

“Start the move.”

The crackling voice on the other end hesitated. “But General… social media is still up. The civilians will see us. If we move too soon… the Californians mobilize faster than us. We’ll meet in the wrong spot.”

“I’m counting on it. And don’t worry about the civilians. That will be taken care of soon.”

Still, the other voice paused. “General M-“

“Are you questioning me, Private?”

“N- no, Sir.”

“Then Act. Or you will be replaced.”

The call ended with a click.


	8. Correspondence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Becky comes back from the front with another letter from Elias. A test out there has been successful, and it changes everything about the friends’ dynamic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings/Promises: Seth/Becky fluff, war talk, Elias/Ana fluff, angst, character death  
Song of the Week: “Waitin’ For the Train to Come In” – Peggy Lee

The hustle and bustle made the train station close-quartered. So close that Ana could hear the music playing in the headphones of the person next to her. She had to smile. It was one of hers. And it was perfect for the situation.

“_[Waitin’ for the train to come in](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2FUYtNlI-0YWI&t=YTgzN2UzZTg2N2FjNTFhOWFjYmJmY2M4Nzc0YmVhYjg3YWEwMjcyMywwR29td2NEeQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AQOrDoNG2pCT1YkkXMRMmCw&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdeepdisireslonging.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F189511214931%2Fheartstrings-chapter-8&m=1). Waitin’ for my man to come home. I’ve counted every minute of each live-long day; been so melancholy since he went away. I’ve shed a million teardrops or more, waitin’ for the one I adore. I’m waitin’ in the depot by the railroad track! Looking for the choo-choo train that brings him back. I’m waitin’ for my life to begin. Waitin’ for the train to come in!”_

She turned her attention far away from the man’s face. Not only had he caught her staring, he possibly recognized her. Damn Buddy and his public appearances!

Looking around the bright rotunda, she marveled at the yellow and orange paint that colored the ninety-foot ceiling. Union Terminal had always been a beautiful building. Its domed, art deco façade and interior had been one of the inspirations for DC comic’s Hall of Justice. The front windows let in plenty of natural light for the rotunda, illuminating the mosaic mural that stretched from one side to the other. Each piece was no larger than her pinkie fingernail and had been cleaned individually of years of cigarette smoke and grime during a recent restoration. It wasn’t hard for her to image families saying goodbye here. She’d done the same only months ago. She forced herself to smile. Today she could be happy. Becky was coming back.

Poor Seth was bouncing on his heels. He craned his neck to look over the bustle of comings and goings.

“You’ll get a crick in your neck doing that,” Ember warned. “She’s not due for another five minutes.”

“She was supposed to be back two weeks ago.” But he settled down. Barely. “Chicago’s become factory central somehow and she to check it out. I still don’t know why we couldn’t have met there.”

Ana answered that, having asked Buddy herself. “We couldn’t have both of our head engineers out of the city at the same time. Security risk. Besides, Buddy – sorry, General Murphy is convinced you work harder if she’s not around. You like showing off how much work you’ve gotten done in her absence.”

“I do not.” Seth crossed his arms and grumbled. “I work to keep myself from worrying about her. It doesn’t work.”

Ember had another quip, but a voice overhead announced the arrival of Becky’s train. She would be up in a minute. “Alrighty, lover boy, calm down. She’s here.”

“Right.” He let out half the breath he was holding and continued to spin the gold ring on his finger. It didn’t stop spinning until he spotted a burst of red hair coming out into the rotunda. He would’ve run to her if it wasn’t for security. The second she burst through the ropes, they were in each other’s arms.

The two other friends let them kiss for a minute before coughing and giggling to break them up. “Get a room!” Ember said with a smile.

Becky glared at her. “We really need to find you a beau. The ship them out to DC every other week so you’ll have someone to miss.”

“I’ve already got someone to miss.” She nudged Seth out of the way and hugged her friends. Ana joined in, making the three of them laugh.

Becky took advantage of their closeness to whisper to Ana, “I have a present for you.” She took Seth’s hand and started to walk to the doors. “So what’s the news out here? Has Buddy convinced you to leave us yet?”

“No,” Ana sighed. “But I’m starting to consider it. He’s taken to kissing my hand every time one of us has to leave. Even if we’re going to see each other in five minutes.”

“I told you how you could stop him.” Seth grinned.

“I am not dousing my hands with some strong scent he doesn’t like. I don’t want to have to put up with if all day. And besides, knowing him, he’d get used to it.” She shook her head. “I’ll just have to talk to him. Again. I would leave, but with our luck, I wouldn’t be deployed in the same place as Elias. It’d be a different kind of separation.” She dropped her voice. “I need to be here for him to come back to me.”

They could all feel the pain rolling off her in waves. Silence filled their conversation as they walked through the taxi line in front of the building. The south parking lot had been designated military parking. It was their destination. They were still in the tick of people going and coming when Becky couldn’t take the silence anymore. The train ride had been too filled with it.

“I’ve got some good news. The EMP was a success. The front’s systems were just going down when I-“

“Save it for the truck please.” Ember eyed the crowd. Maybe one or two people had heard, but by the way they went back to struggling with their luggage, it didn’t mean anything to them. Once in the lot, the group filed into the car. Ember behind the wheel, Ana by her side, and the reunited couple in the back. She waited until she’d pulled the truck out of the lot before nodding at Becky. “Sorry. Since you were leaving, you probably didn’t get to hear how classified that information was.”

The redhead bobbed her head. “I got the gist of it. They were mostly focused on assuring me my new plane wouldn’t get fried. Which I greatly appreciate.” She glanced at Ana’s eyes in the review mirror. “Speaking of news, about your present- can I give it to her now, Colonel Moon or do we have to wait for your office?”

“She can have it now.”

The earlier depression of their group’s separated couple dissipated under the shine of Ana’s new smile. They drifted off into quiet conversation. Ember couldn’t help but grin when Ana kissed the envelope.

**Dove,**

**I’m writing as quickly as I can. Red’s visit was a surprise, but I’m sure the Airforce base next door appreciated the new equipment.**

**Something is about to happen. We’ve been told to pack and be ready at a moment’s notice. Something about a test. If it goes to plan, I’m assuming we’ll be moving to the front lines.**

Ana assumed he was talking about the EMP blast. An electromagnetic pulse that would wipe out all technology for miles. Give or take Seth and Becky’s plane. The obvious use for such a tool was to take out the other side’s weapons. But such a pulse could also be dangerous to civilians in hospitals and winter-set homes no longer connected to heat.

**My superiors are acting like this is a major step in the war. Depending on the next few maneuvers, I could be coming home sooner rather than later. You know my vote.**

**By day or night, I think of you,**

**In field or hall or where’ ere I be**

**My heart keeps watch for one I love**

**And yet I feel you’re right beside me**

{Mary Stuart, Queen of Scotland, 1560}

Ana pressed the letter over her heart. It was dated a week and a half ago. Since the test had gone well, he was probably already on the front line. Her stomach was both empty and filled with a heavy rock. A lot could happen in a week.

***

The letter was in Ember’s pocket long before they made it back to base. She checked to make sure it was out of sight before stepping out of the truck. The correspondence was highly illegal, even if Ember trusted the participants more than her own shadow. Which is why her heart froze to see Buddy waiting for them.

Fear nearly froze Ana on her tracks too, but she pushed through it. “Mornin’, General.”

Buddy smiled weakly. There were dark circles under his eyes. Like he had received bad news and had spent all night wondering how to phrase it. “Stop that. Welcome back, Becky.”

“Thanks.” She tried to make light of his ragged appearance. “When was the last time you caught some shut-eye?”

The tired grin slipped. “It’s been a while. And it’s not coming any time soon.” He tried to keep smiling. But his shoulders had to much weight resting on them. “Ana… can I speak to you… privately?”

She swallowed thickly. A glance at Ember told her the letter was safe. “Sure.”

The trio that remained took a few steps away. They were all worried about the same thing. Did Buddy know about the letter smuggling? They’d all had a part in it. So why was he only talking to Ana? Maybe he didn’t know the whole spread of it. But if he did need to ask her, why not in his office? The parking lot seemed to open. Too unsecure.

“Maybe he doesn’t know,” Ember suggested. “Suspicion is a delicate thing. Better to ask as a friend first instead of as general.”

“Maybe.” Seth glanced over just in time to see Ana brace herself on Buddy’s arm. “Either way, things are going to change after today. We’ve been sloppy-“

“No. You’re wrong!” Ana stumbled away from Buddy. “It’s a lie. A trick.” She struggled at first against him wrapping his arms around her. Finally, she gave in. “No. I can’t, he can’t-“

Buddy followed her to the ground as her knees gave out. The others rushed over.

Ember kneeled by Ana. “What happened?”

It was impossible for her to form the words. The general did for her, though his voice wavered.

“Elias- Elias is dead.” He cleared his throat. “I received the news this morning after you guys left for the station. I had hoped I could prove it wrong before you got back, but it’s been verified. In case this happened, he made arrangements. So at least part of him could return to you.” He pried Ana’s fist open to give her something, then gave her hand a squeeze. “I’m sorry, Ana.” When Buddy took back his hand, Ana could see the stunning blue guitar pick. Dents from where Elias would nibble on it.

She couldn’t stop the tears. The cold. The numbness. It didn’t register when the gravel was suddenly under her feet again. Different hands held her up as Ember handed her off to Becky and Seth.

“Take her to your place. I’ll be there in a minute.”

It was a mercy. “Their Place” was a flat on the base instead of Ana’s on the outskirts. Closer. And not filled with her own thoughts in the form of poems and half-finished songs. Many of which were inspired by Elias.

While Ember headed to her office, Buddy and Becky helped Ana walk. Seth went ahead to unlock the door.

The first thing Ember did upon getting inside was to lock the letter in the safe with the others. There was still a danger is anyone found out. The second thing she did was check with her secretary for any messages. There weren’t any.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, ma’am. General Murphy dropped by, but left without leaving anything after I told him you went to the station.”

“Thank you.”

Something didn’t feel right. Buddy wasn’t the only one with connections to Elias’s regiment. She should have found out about Elias at the same time, if not sooner. And he said it had been verified. Official verification needed three signatures. Two of those who would have signed were unable to reach.

Ember placed another call, prepared to hang up if it rang past five times. It didn’t.

“Commander Hardy? I need to cash in that favor.”


	9. Goodbyes (Reprise)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth about Elias comes out, and Buddy’s ulterior motives are revealed. Ana packs to fly out to the front.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings/Promises: betrayal, angst, fluff, goodbyes  
Song of the Week: “For Good” – from Wicked sung by Kristen Chenoweth and Idina Menzel

Most of the leaves outside had fallen to the ground. A brave few held on through the blistering cold wind. Others gave up and drifted down. Ana was neither. She was merely an observer.

Her glazed eyes watched each leaf fall, following the delicate patches of red and gold drift to the ground. The cold seeping through the glass of her window had been seeping through the blanket all night. But Ana didn’t feel the cold. Only the bite in her palm as she continued to grip the blue and gold guitar pick. After days of holding it, Ana hoped her hand would be forever indented.

The leaves rustled as a jeep drove by. It screeched to a halt and a best friend jumped out. Ember rang the doorbell once. Then she caught a glimpse of Ana sitting unmoving by the window. She let herself in with the spare key.

“Ana-“

“Unless it’s a letter from him, I don’t want to hear your condolences. He’s not dead.”

Ember blew on her chilled hands. “I’m glad you feel that way. Because I agree with you.”

Ana snapped her head towards the hope.

“Elias isn’t dead.”

How-? Ana stomped down questions.

“I don’t have a letter from him,” Ember said, “but I do have one from General Jeff Hardy. The one from the neighboring airbase from Elias’s regiment.” She handed the letter to Ana.

The sluggish blood in Ana’s veins quickened as she read.

“Buddy’s intel was partially correct.” Ember continued, “they moved after the EMP was successful. And yes, to the front lines. But as of yesterday, General Hardy was still in contact with their head of command. As of yesterday, Elias is still alive.”

Ana’s stiff limbs creaked as she moved out of the bed to grip Ember’s shoulders. “You’re not a dream, are you? Some hallucination to kill me further when you pop like a soap bubble?”

With a sigh and a smile, Ember murmured, “you are so melodramatic sometimes.” She shook Ana gently by her shoulders. “You’re not dreaming. Don’t believe me? Feel. Smell. Observe. Can’t you smell fall turning to winter outside? Feel the cold, since you refuse to keep your place above sixty degrees. Why _do_ you do that? Observe the letter in your hand.” She took Ana’s hand and shook it, making the paper flap. “They say you can’t read in dreams.”

Neither of them moved. If they did, the magic might be undone and Ana would wake up to watching leaves fall again. She rubbed the paper between her fingers. Hot tears bubbled up under her cheeks. A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth until she gave up trying to deny it.

“Elias is alive?”

“Yes.”

A sob ripped from Ana’s throat. Then with a squeal, she hugged Ember around the waist and spun her around. They both laughed. The communications head felt the room brighten more than spring. Ana suddenly stopped.

“Help me pack.” Rushing to her closet, Ana pulled down a duffle bag. “I’ll take my music with me. It’s been a week since I could look at it, but now I’m thrumming with melodies. It’s a long plane ride to the front- oh, I need to find Becky and Seth.” She stood up from stuffing in clothes. “I need to find Buddy, too. I need to know why he lied to me. To all of us.”

Ember handed her a notebook. “I have a feeling he’ll find us by the time we get to the airport.”

Taking the book, Ana said softly, “You’re not going to stop me? I may not come back.”

The two women stood facing each other for a minute. Finally, Ember had to smile.

“Then don’t. That’s okay. Be safe. Be whole.” They hugged, squeezing tight. “Now let’s get you out there.”

***

General Murphy did catch up with them.

He came into the airport squealing on two wheels. The engine hadn’t fully stopped when he stepped out. Buddy marched over to the group as a technician told them feuling would take ten minutes.

“Thanks, Flair.” Becky saw the red-headed general coming first. She stepped in front of Ana to shield hr.

“What are you doing?” He side-stepped Seth’s attempt to shield and stared down Ana. “Where are you going? You are in no condition to fly off the handle and-“

“What condition do you mean, Buddy?” Ana stepped to stand nearly toe-to-toe with him. “Are you referring to my grief? The darkness you created by telling me Elias dies? Or were you referring to the state I was in when I found out it was on your order that his regiment had been moved into danger?” She glowered at him, watching his expressions contort. In seconds she knew he wasn’t going to answer. The jig was up. He was caught. There was one question that had to be answered. “Why did you do this?”

He straightened his spine, using the height gain to tower over her. “How did you find out?”

“That’s not what I asked-“

“I found out for her.” Ember placed her hand on Ana’s shoulder. And took her turn to glare. “Parts of your story didn’t line up. I’ve been studying how people talk for years. How they communicate an idea. How they lie. Majored in it. I am personally shocked that you thought you could get away with this. But I want to know why too.”

The husband and wife stepped forward as well, crowding him. “Us too.”

“Why, Buddy?”

“He was our friend. Your friend.”

“Where is the man I trusted to protect the goal, to protect the morale of the team?” Seth gestured to the women. “This is our team. Why did you betray us?”

“Because I’m not supposed to want to be him!” Buddy staggered back, panting. “You guys have no idea what it was like. The engineers eventually got together. But you two-“ he jabbed a finger at Ember and Ana. “You both pined after him like he was the only man in the world. So much for a team. I was alone.”

Ember ignored the stab of old pain in her chest. She’d never told anyone about her crush on Elias. It still didn’t excuse him. “So… what? You can’t have Ana, you destroy her by sending Elias into harm’s way? Are you so callous that you can only think about yourself? Your feelings, wants and desires?”

Even though she spoke at a whisper, Ana’s voice rang through them all like a bell. “He’s done it before.”

Ice shot through the general. He’d had no intention of reliving this today, if ever. Ember and Becky didn’t move. They knew his crimes. Seth startled. “Before?” Becky had never told him.

“It feels like a lifetime ago. We had a date, and then I wouldn’t give you that piece of me. Instead of accepting or learning from it, you smeared my name through the mud to your friends. To the whole campus, almost.”

Buffy stood rigid as a statue. He turned to Seth, who was still stunned by this new information. There was a crack, and he could use it. “Does this enlighten you about this perfect _friend_ of ours? She’s as much of a tease now as she was then.”

Seth bristled. “No. Whatever negative view I had of you, Ana, I’m sorry. But my opinion of her stays the same. She can love who she wants. As many or as few as she wants. You do not get a say in her choices. That you ever thought you did disgusts me more than the feeling when I lied about Becky. How could you ever choose to do something like that ever again?”

“You know I could never live in a world where he has everything and I have nothing.”

Behind them, the aircraft rumbled to life. Flair waved at Becky from a distance. It was ready to go. All it needed was a co-pilot. Those next steps were interrupted by the general.

“I’d pull rank, but if you’ve been able to do all this already, it means you’ve gone above me. So I’ll say this. Maybe that will knock some sense into you. You’ll have nowhere to land. California is finally fighting back. I’ve had to send two regiments after Elias’s. He may not have died when I said he did, but what’s to say hasn’t been killed since? Elias isn’t coming back.” Regret churned in his stomach, but he pressed on. “Except _maybe_ in a wooden box. They’re dying by the hundreds out there.”

“We all know the death toll already,” Becky growled, shifting her flight helmet from one hip to the other. She flanked Ana’s other shoulder. Seth stood on her other side.

All of them were against Buddy. If it hadn’t been for the engine roar, they could have heard his teeth grinding.

Ana shouldered her bag. “I’m still going. Here,” she held out the guitar pick. The false proof of Elias’s death. “This can’t be his. Though I don’t know how you-“

“It is… was his. He entrusted that to me when I promised your safety.” He chuckled. “He said if you got hurt, then he wouldn’t need it anymore. How poetic. How like you two. But I gave him my father’s medal. I told him if I let either of you down, then I’d let my father down.” He shrugged. “Looking back, that seems like a good goal. Stick it to the old man one last time.”

When he reached for the pick, Ana snatched it back. “You are the best at keeping secrets, Buddy. But they have twisted your heart. I truly hope not beyond repair.”

Without a goodbye, She turned on her heel and headed towards the plane. The gangplank stairs rolled into place. One of the other soldiers taking the flight took Ana’s bag. It was time for goodbyes.

Becky was going to put on her helmet to avoid the moment, but Seth plucked it out of her hand and placed it on his own head. He snapped the jaw strap into place while she flustered.

“I was going to tell you earlier, but considering the circumstances,” he took her trembling hands. “My knee… I’ve been medically cleared to fly. This will still be my base and I’m still going to work here. But we can take turns flying the tech out.” Before she could protest, he smoothed her flame-red hair out of her face. “We have each other. We always will. But I can think of no better first mission than helping our best friend find her other half.” He chuckled. “If I promise that you’ll get first dibs on missions, will you let me go?”

Becky laughed and leaned into the hand that cupped her cheek. “Ya big goof… when you say it pretty like that, I can’t say no.” She jumped to wrap her arms around his neck. “Keep her safe. Come back to me.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Ana and Ember stepped to the end of the stairs to give them a minute of privately kissing. What Buddy had revealed finally caught up. It punched Ana in the gut.

“I am so sorry,” she blurted. “If I had known you had feelings for Elias-“

“There’s not a thing I would change.”

“But I can’t imagine… the letters. And he told me you used to listen to his breakthroughs. I’m sorry for any and all pain we caused you.”

Ember silenced her with a hug. “Like I said, I wouldn’t change a thing. He was never mine. [And I am who I am today](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2FTZ0pXUb5jVU&t=MzRlNmRlY2MxMTg4NTdlN2RkNjY1NmFkYzViZDZmNjFiN2ViMjJiNyxLTHZ0RWNVSw%3D%3D&b=t%3AQOrDoNG2pCT1YkkXMRMmCw&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdeepdisireslonging.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F189646479675%2Fheartstrings-chapter-9&m=1) because I knew both of you. But here,” she reached into her pocket and pulled out the stack of letters. “I know you aren’t planning on coming back, with Elias or otherwise. These are yours. And it probably wouldn’t be good to hold illegal correspondence in my safe.”

They shared a laugh as the other two joined them.

There was one more thing Ember wanted to cover before the plane got off the ground. She turned to Ana. “Don’t worry about Buddy. Steps are already being taken to reign in his miss-use of power. By sending Elias’s troops early, it’s possible he negatively turned the war. With some of my contacts’ help, he will be out of power before Christmas.”

“Christmas!” Becky groaned. “You’re… aww man. I had presents for everyone.”

Ana giggled and gave her friend another goodbye hug. “You’ve done so much for me already. That’s all the present I need. I’ll pass along everyone’s love to Elias when I find him.”

The rest of the military passengers were boarded. Ana was the last one to ascend the stairs. Looking across the base, over Northern Kentucky, and towards the Ohio river, she murmured goodbye.

Soon clouds were flying by her windows; or maybe she was flying by them. Either way, she settled in for the long trip. Seth would drop her off at General Hardy’s base. From there, she would drive out to the front, performing shows along the way to maintain her cover. Once at the front, she would stay there until she found Elias. The future past that point was unknown.

The soldiers around her updated each other with the news they heard. She didn’t listen much. Instead, she twiddled the small velvet box she’d grabbed from her nightstand. And she hummed. She hummed their song. The one he wrote for her. In her head and her heart, she heard his baritone calling her to him.

“[The only thing I need to know tonight](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2F57wbnmuvmWU%3Ft%3D123&t=YjdhMTYzZWFiMzY1ZmMwZDExMjdlMGZmOTI4ZTVmNjJkZmE4ZTkzZCxLTHZ0RWNVSw%3D%3D&b=t%3AQOrDoNG2pCT1YkkXMRMmCw&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdeepdisireslonging.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F189646479675%2Fheartstrings-chapter-9&m=1) is that you feel me with you even when I’m gone. And that you’re holding on because you and I belong. If I could send you all the love I have inside… it’s in every note I sing. It’s in every word I write. ‘Cause you deserve a symphony-“

_Wait for me, Elias. I’m almost there._


	10. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ana hunts for her love through the trenches on Christmas Eve. Elias hears singing and joins along, recognizing a voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings/Promises: angst, FLUFF, Hallmark clichés
> 
> Song of the Week: “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” – from Meet Me in St. Louis as sung by Judy Garland

America had never looked so war-like, Ana thought, than it did right now on the front. The fighting held to the earlier location between New Mexico and Texas. Miles of formerly gridlocked cars, abandoned by their fleeing owners, had been either removed or pushed to the side of the roads. In their place, troops and military vehicles traveled back and forth between the line and their opposing bases. Smack-dab in the middle, more cleared cars were repurposed into a barricade. Mostly the cars were from the California side, protecting their new independence.

This is where the fighting was heaviest. This is where General Murphy sent Elias. And this is where Ana had to go.

She was just finishing up her Christmas Eve set for the regiment when a man waved at her from the back of the crowd. Her heart beat faster. She finished. The ovation they gave her was repaid with a small hurried bow and a final good wish for the holiday. Then Ana rushed off stage and met the man in the wings. He was one of Ember’s trusted correspondents.

“I’ve found him,” staff sergeant Mizanin breathed. “He should be about five miles from here in one of the barricade foxholes.”

Ana was appalled. “They’ve got men in foxholes… on Christmas Eve?”

He shrugged. “Not everyone believes in the holiday spirit. The private is afraid that if he pulls the troops out, their positions will be taken as soon as the cheer dissipates. I don’t like it either, but I can see where he’s coming from.”

_I can too_. With a sigh, Ana shook her head, clearing out any thoughts but Elias. “But he’s alive. If you’ve found him, he’s alive, right?”

Again the staff sergeant shrugged. “I can’t be one hundred percent sure, Miss Lupo. He was as of reports two hours ago. But the fighting hasn’t stopped. Don’t keep your hope up.”

“I will. I have to.” Ana slung her bag over her shoulder and started to walk, making him jog to keep up. “Now get me out of here. I’m going to find him. Tonight.”

***

Elias drew circles in the dirt under his fingers for the thousandth time. If time even existed anymore. It seemed like he’d been stretched out in a sniper position forever. The dirt circles turned into music notes without a clef to hang on. He hummed along to the tune that only made sense to him.

“How do you do that?”

The notes disappeared in a cloud of dust as Elias coughed in surprise. His trench partner, a soldier named Corbin, shimmied closer for easier conversation. “Do what?”

“Hum any song like that. We’ve been over here for days and you can still whistle like a carefree bird. You’re the only guy in the regiment who even cares about music. Why?”

“I need to believe in it. For her-“

“Right. For your perfect girlfriend. Yeah, yeah. How could I forget?” Corbin paused, looking Elias over. “How do you know she’ll be waiting for you when… if we get back? She might have developed feelings for that general you entrusted her to.”

Elias thought about everything Ana told him about Buddy and their shard college experience. “Not in a million years.” He patted his chest pocket where he kept her letters. Most of them were crinkled by the time they got to him. And by now, their creases were delicate like fabric from reading them often. But they rested over his heart. Along with another recent letter.

“She’s not coming, man.”

Quickly Elias dropped his hand. “You don’t know that.”

Corbin slid back towards the tunnel that connected to the next foxhole. “Your general Murphy would never let her out here on her own. It’s too dangerous out here.” He paused. To emphasize his point, he tossed his cap into the air. When it came down, it had two bullet holes in it. “See?”

As Corbin disappeared from sight, his heart was torn. Elias couldn’t argue with the rapid sniper shots. He wanted Ana. He wanted her safe and far away from harm. The couldn’t coexist.

_Be patient, Dove._

He hummed into his hands, warming them with the song he’d never gotten to sing with Ana. _Not yet._

***

The tunnels were vast. Stretching from one foxhole to the next, they created a defendable labyrinth. Repurposed cars and car parts lined the top line like jagged fence posts. Doors with their windows smashed out doubled as viewpoints. Sniper positions. The foxholes themselves weren’t more than a bit of flat land behind a car. Flat tires supported the structures. From there, soldiers had a little bit of cover. But continued “enemy” fire had sawed off the tops of several, making them shorter walls. Their jagged edges looked like teeth to Ana.

Most of the fighting was paused. There was an occasional twang of a bullet as it hit a car, that made Ana jump, but things were quieting down. Eve was turning into day as midnight approached.

Ana didn’t know why she picked the song she did. Part of her wanted to save it until she had Elias in her arms. Her throat was raw from singing her way through tunnels. But a cold breeze was blowing. The scent of snow was magically in the air. It felt right to sing it.

“[Have yourself](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2F9zmQVlRrgVs&t=NTkzNWRjM2E3OWEyZGU1OWRmMDQ1NTUyNzcyMmUzZjBiY2EyYWRkOCx2WUhnNVpYWQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AQOrDoNG2pCT1YkkXMRMmCw&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdeepdisireslonging.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F189775075619%2Fheartstrings-chapter-10&m=1) a merry little Christmas. Let your heart be light. Next year all our troubles will be out of sight.”

A few of the soldiers scrunched their brows in confusion. Singing the original Judy Garland version usually had that effect.

“Have yourself a merry little Christmas. Make the yule-tide gay. Next year all our troubles will be far away.”

***

Elias could hear a voice on the wind. He shrugged and looked back out into no-man’s-land. He started to hum along.

***

“Once again as in olden days, happy golden days of yore, faithful friends who are dear to us, will be near to us once more.”

Ana almost stumbled. One soldier was looking at her in confusion. Not because of the lyrics. His wolfish eyes held a flicker of familiarity.

***

He couldn’t deny the voice any longer. It was coming from the trench tunnel. Abandoning his post, he slid down the ladder and began to sing along.

***

Tears crested over Ana’s cheeks. Her voice mixed with the baritone who reached out to her. Finally, in his arms, she had the strength to end the song.

“Someday soon we all will be together, if the fates allow. Until then, we’ll have to muddle through somehow. So, have yourself,” her voice cracked, “a merry little Christmas… now.”

A cheer went up through the military audience as the kissed. Everyone knew their story. One brave woman started the song again, but with the common lyrics, as light snow began to fall.

Ana couldn’t squeeze tight enough into Elias’s chest. He couldn’t kiss her face enough. “You found me,” he kept saying. “You came to me.”

“And you came to me. To my voice.”

“I would know that voice across time and space.”

“Nerd,” she giggled through her sniffling.

“I’ll always mean it.”

“I know.”

The singing wrapped around to the end again. “Someday soon we all will be together, [if the fates allow](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2FjxxTHzERTsk&t=ZjJjNjUyMGNkZTljMDg5NmJkZjI2NTQyYTk4MWJhZGE1NThiMTU3OCx2WUhnNVpYWQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AQOrDoNG2pCT1YkkXMRMmCw&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdeepdisireslonging.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F189775075619%2Fheartstrings-chapter-10&m=1). So, hang a shining star upon the brightest bow. And have yourself merry little Christmas… now.”

They joined in for several more carols. The songs spread from one foxhole to foxhole. With each addition of voices, the sound grew louder. Someone found a cluster of green uniform tatters with the white buttons still attached. It passes along too, living out the December miracle as a cluster of mistletoe.

During a lull in the singing, more voices could be heard. The California trenches were singing too. Both sides stood on the no-man’s-land unarmed. Just singing.

The soldier Corbin turned and looked for his foxhole partner as the festive mood came to an end an hour later. He would never find them.

Ana and Elias had secretly crossed into California.

Together.

***

***

Author’s Note:

I picked using the _Meet Me in St. Louis_ version of the song because of its [role in the movie](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2FL2g6nktvvC4&t=MWEzYWRiNTFhMjk5MmE5OWVlOTI2NGQ1YjgyZmU0NmFiZTk5ZGY0ZSx2WUhnNVpYWQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AQOrDoNG2pCT1YkkXMRMmCw&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdeepdisireslonging.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F189775075619%2Fheartstrings-chapter-10&m=1). The movie family has been told that they are moving to NY in the next month, far away from their friends and the world they know. The littlest sister, after this song is sung to her by her sister played by Garland, runs out into the yard and tears down the snowmen because if she can’t have them, then no one can. Garland tries to reassure her that NY will be wonderful, but the sister is sure that nowhere will be home like St. Louis. The father sees this, agrees, and cancels the move. They get to stay.

The reason why there are two sets of lyrics is because of WWII. When it came time to record the song for the public, Judy Garland wanted a brighter ending. They had been at war for years, and “muddling through somehow” wasn’t what the country needed to hear. At her request, the lyrics were changed, and we hear dozens of renditions of [the rewrite](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2FjxxTHzERTsk&t=ZjJjNjUyMGNkZTljMDg5NmJkZjI2NTQyYTk4MWJhZGE1NThiMTU3OCx2WUhnNVpYWQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AQOrDoNG2pCT1YkkXMRMmCw&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdeepdisireslonging.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F189775075619%2Fheartstrings-chapter-10&m=1) every year.

In this series, Ana and Elias have been continuously kept apart. They’ve muddled through life all the way up until the end. I wanted to see them sing that line having survived the struggle. Then, finally together, their love can be the shining star they’ve always wanted. Cheesy, I know. But that was the goal. I enjoy happy endings more than angsty ones.

Thank you for reading!


	11. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life after survival. Life after marriage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings/Promises: FLUFF, pregnancy  
Song of the Week: “I Had Me a Girl” – The Civil Wars

A fit of high-pitched giggles made Elias laugh. He watched those tiny hands as they reached for the guitar strings again. Another hesitant pluck. Another fit of giggles. They had been at this for twenty minutes already. Elias could go like this all day. As his child reached again, he held down some to change the note.

Elias’s laugh rumbled loud as the shift startled the child. She looked up at her father’s face, mirroring his wide smile. Then she matched his laughter with her own.

Though his back was to the door, he knew Ana was standing there. With his ring on her finger to boot.

Ana rested her shoulder on the frame. A small smile played with the edges of her mouth. Absently she stroked her stomach. It was round again. But it felt different this time. A baby boy this time, perhaps. She couldn’t wait to hear those little feet running through the house. Those peals of laughter to match his sister’s. A hum caught on her lips.

Eventually, Elias turned, catching her eye. “Look who’s here. Is that Mommy?”

“Mommy!” The little girl wobbled to her feet, running as fast as her little legs could carry her into Ana’s knees. “Up! Up!” Her tiny hands grabbed the air until she was lifted onto her mother’s hip. “Baby,” she whispered, patting Ana’s stomach.

“Yes, baby. They’ll be here soon.” She made her daughter laugh by booping her nose. “What have you been doing with Daddy? Are you learning to play guitar?”

“Nooo,” she said, hiding her face in Ana’s neck.

“No?” Ana tickled her stomach.

Elias stood and joined in on the tickling. “No? Then what have we been doing all morning?”

“Music!”

The parents laughed. “Yes, little dove,” Elias chuckled. “We’ve been making music.” He glanced mischievously at Ana. “Wasn’t there something you wanted to ask Mommy?”

Her face lit up. “Sing, Mommy. Sing!”

“Sing?” Ana laughed, but Elias was already dethroning several stuffed animals from the couch so she could sit down. “What do you want me to sing?”

“Girl and boy!”

They shared a look. Ana took her seat while Elias perched on the coffee table. “You know, we’re going to have to stop singing this song soon. She’s going to figure out what it actually means eventually.”

“She wouldn’t be here without it.” He dodged a playful glare. He [strummed the beginning](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2FH1qY8EB4JlQ&t=MzI5ZTNmZjdlNTg4MTI1ZjZjM2ZkZDhjNWQ2Yjc4ZDk4ZDRmZWU0YyxkYUgxSFFDUA%3D%3D&b=t%3AQOrDoNG2pCT1YkkXMRMmCw&p=https%3A%2F%2Fdeepdisireslonging.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F189792363570%2Fheartstrings-epilogue&m=1) and began to sing. “I had me a girl, taught me those things a young man should know. Down, down on my knees, I beg and I plead to learn a little bit more.” He leaned forward and kissed Ana’s stomach. “Ah, that woman taught me to pray. I saw heaven every day,” he got lost in her eyes as she and their daughter joined in on the aria chorus.

They sang acapella for a while when Ana moved his hand to her stomach to feel the kick.


End file.
